Yesterday we went and got our mail. When we first moved to this "small ville" getting our mail was one of the highlights to do in town. Now it rarely crosses my mind, and I maybe go get it once a week. As you can imagine it was full of the usual, bills, bills, and more..bills. But wait! What's this? A letter from a college to my daughter? But she's only a freshman. Does it really begin this early? She opened it and read it and said they wanted her to visit the school. She then stated: Why? I've already been there on class trips. I've seen the school.
This morning as I was eating my breakfast, I went through the mail and decided to see what it said. Sure enough it sounded like a recruitment letter. Even listing a phone number if you wanted to come visit campus. We are only one full nine weeks into her freshman year and already we are getting mail from colleges? She doesn't even own a class ring yet! Which is a source of contention in our house, as EVERYONE already ordered theirs. It's not that I haven't thought about the fact that in three short years she will be seriously going into search for the establishment to suit her needs. And it's not as though we don't have things in place to save for it. But college letters already? She hasn't even gotten her first phone call from a boy yet. She hasn't given one thought to a prom yet. She still fights me to go to camp!
How on earth are we supposed to think about her going to college? I suppose the college in question is only about 20 minutes away. She could live at home. She'd have to for what it costs to go there. I'm pretty certain I could send her to her dream college (Brown) for what it costs to go there. Let's not put the cart before the horse here people. I get it. Really I do. She is growing up and like it or not she is going to be leaving and going off to start her life without me.
This is when it starts. I wonder if my mother felt this way when I was in high school. But I can't help as I sit here thinking of how my children and I are connected. I imagine three cords stretching, one to each of them. One still pretty close but just starting to pull away as he realizes that he is getting a bit too big to be so attached to me. One moving farther away as she starts looking around Jr. High and looking forward to the big high school, but still wanting to stay within reach. Lastly one pulling farther still. Stretching and pulling and looking towards the after high school, into college and moving on with her life. They all hurt. The last a little more than the other two. Because what comes after the stretching of that one comes the sever. The place where she can make it on her own without any help from me. Although I know that is what my job has been preparing her for, I can't help but think how much easier and comfortable it all was before. Before the college letter and class rings was the alphabet letters and the smiles they bring.
Actually the more I think about it, I think she would do well there. It's close to home. She would be required to take bible classes. I think the kid who recently said to me in the car "hey mom, you know how in the new testament it's all about Jesus?" to which I replied "yes" She said, "well do you think Jewish people don't believe in Jesus because they want less to read?" Yes I think perhaps a good Christian college may be a good thing for her. Maybe by then she will be outgoing enough to ask questions she was always too scared to ask in church. When I finally stopped laughing, I did try to explain it all to her, to the best of my knowledge. If nothing else she would get her questions answered there and possibly provide her professors with some comedic relief.