Friday, March 12, 2010

Hello Dolly! or I Like Your Smile.

Dolly Parton said "If you see someone without a smile, give 'em yours." Sometimes I like to take it one step further. If I see someone who looks to be in a particularly bad mood I like to smile and cross my eyes at the same time. (This works better if they aren't a carrying member of the NRA. If they are, remember that it's harder to hit a moving target. So MOVE!)

The wise Dolly Parton also said "I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb, I also know I'm not blond!" I find this amazingly charming and poignant for the following reasons: 1. I think she is wonderfully intelligent and talented and hello? she is obviously very smart to have an entire amusement park named for her, and 2. If she remembers she isn't a blond she must remember her natural hair color. I find this entertaining because the woman is over 60 yrs old and still remembers her natural hair color. I can't remember what color my hair was last week. I do know there is a lot more grey than I care to mention.

Can you imagine how many people you'd have to smile at to get them to smile if all the women in the world could remember their natural hair color? We'd all be in front of the mirror at night doing facial exercises to get ready for the next day of smiling. Don't get me wrong I smile daily at friends and strangers alike, but wouldn't it just be exhausting to watch all those people using 43 muscles to frown when they could use just 17 to smile? So this is my public service message for the evening: Forget your natural hair color and smile. And as a wise woman named Dolly likes to say "Smile it increases your face value!"

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Just say no to Coffee and yes to Latte!

There is something to be said for a tall skinny milky way latte' and all of it is good. I would like to confess something. I am not a coffee drinker. My mother was a coffee drinker. She used to drink coffee with every meal, Folgers was her friend and she liked it straight up. No milk, no cream, no sugar, nada nothin doing. Now let me tell you I will now drink coffee IF you cannot taste the coffee. Let me introduce you to some friends of mine. They are named sugar, mocha, caramel, milk, cream, pretty much anything you can dump into a coffee to hide the fact that it is coffee is my friend. My friend and I once went to Le Peep restaurant for breakfast and I ordered one of my friends it was served with whip cream and a straw. When she saw this she cracked up. She said THAT is NOT coffee that is dessert. I have to admit it did look a bit like a dessert but if it has coffee in it, it still counts as a coffee right?

As we all know I try to justify most things that I consume. If ice cream has fruit in it that counterbalances all fat grams thereby making it health food with fruit and dairy food groups being represented. So wouldn't it stand to reason that if coffee is decaf with sugar free syrups and skim milk be kind of a wash all the way around? How can that be a bad thing? Especially when it's basically a give me?

If my mother could only see me now. Driving thru Starbucks with my "free money" because it's a gift card and even though I purchased it, it's free coffee because I am not actually handing over cash. Buying instant coffee singles and flavored creams so when my "free money" runs out I can still get my fix. What would the woman who raised me who used to drink actual coffee think of the child who grew up saying "How on earth can you drink that? It is so gross!" I think if she were still here she would say what I say and what my friend Christi says. I am not a coffee drinker, I'm a dessert in a warm mug drinker. :)