Saturday, December 12, 2009

If I Lived At Walmart

As I look around at my messy house, I often think that it would be easier to just move and start over. That is not an option as I cannot convince my family that moving to a more tropical climate would be in all of our best interests. A friend said that she thought it would be good to live at Walmart because they have anything you could want or need. That gave me a good idea. If I lived at Walmart I would have a team of people to help me find what I need. If the kids couldn't find their things I wouldn't be the only one responsible for helping them find their things. If I lived at Walmart I would have all the food I would need at me disposal at all times and sometimes even have people who have prepared food for sampling so we could have appetizers. If I lived at Walmart I would have a team of people to help me clean. If I lived at Walmart all the toys any of the kids would want would be readily available. If I lived at Walmart I wouldn't have to leave my residence to shop, get my hair done, go to the bank, get pictures taken, and in some Walmarts get an oil change. If I lived at Walmart I would always have someone to talk to as I would always have company. If I lived at Walmart we would have all the latest in technology at our disposal to test out. If I lived at walmart none of our socks would ever have holes in them and we would always have clean underwear. If I lived at Walmart all of my flowers would look great all the time as there would always be someone to water them. If I lived at Walmart we would have several toilets to use with the likelihood of waiting for one very slim and someone else would be in charge of cleaning them. If I lived at Walmart I'd have access to all the newest releases in movies, books and entertainment at all times.

So as you can see there would be a lot of perks to living at the Walmart. However, I did think of a few downfalls of living at the Walmart. If I lived at Walmart I wouldn't be able to shower or bathe I would have to wash in a sink in the bathroom. If I lived at Walmart we would never have privacy because we'd be open 24/7. If I lived in Walmart I'd never get any sleep because the lights never go out. If I lived at Walmart the parking would be terrible and I'd have to worry about carts and other cars at all times hurting my car. If I lived at Walmart all my pretty flowers would get sold and I wouldn't be able to enjoy them very long. If I lived at Walmart I'd have to sleep in a sleeping bag as they have no beds. If I lived at Walmart I'd have to have sex with my husband in a dressing room with a guard standing outside. If I lived at Walmart we'd all be obese from eating all the baked goods that are so readily available.

I'm sure there are many other ways living at Walmart would either be a good thing or a bad thing. But you get the idea.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving Mom

Dear Mom,
It's Thanksgiving again today. There is so much to be thankful for God has blessed us beyond measure. You should see the kids they are getting so big. Those teenage years are HARD! Let me apologize right now for that. I know I was a moody smart mouth kid and I would like to thank you for not tolerating any of it. There are so many things to tell you. C is having a better year in school, you would have loved seeing her in the school play. She did such a good job she even shocked her teacher because she was loud enough to be heard. She is also writing for the school newspaper. She loves to write just like her mom. Mo is having a good year too. She's the big kid on campus being the big 6Th grader and all. She is going to be in a Christmas program playing the piano and acting. You always said that one of them would play the piano, because they had such long fingers when they were born. She's only taken lessons for a little over a year and she does so well. Her dancing dream shifted now she wants to be a big time volleyball player as she discovered she loves the game. P is a ladies magnet! He has many friends in school but the girls seem to adore him. I'm a little nervous about that one. He is so kind and loving. Of course he is playing sports. You know his dad wouldn't have it any other way. I know if you were here he would amaze you. It seems we were scared to have a boy for nothing.

I'm missing you so much! It gets easier but the piece of my heart you took with you seems to ache more on the holidays. It's another Thanksgiving and you aren't here for me to tell you thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for raising me, thank you for loving me enough to fight with me. As I get older I realize I was lucky to have a mother who cared enough to fight with me. I would rather have had that than indifference. I appreciate the fact that you were smart enough to stand up to me and tell me when I was wrong or making a mistake. Oh and thank you for not letting me date till I was sixteen. I won't be letting my girls date till they are 30 but if by chance the right boy comes to call I may allow it if they are old enough to protect themselves and drive themselves home.

We are redecorating your room looks completely different. I got the hard wood floors I used to dream about. I love going in there and sock skating. It looks more like just another room now. It's easy to not have those last days flood my memories when I go in there now. We may stay here forever now. It's hard for others to understand why it was important to make the change, but I'm sure you understand. I wouldn't change a thing. I was blessed to be able to be there for you. While the pain of losing you will never quite diminish completely, God has saved me from the pit and I find it gets more bearable with the passing of time.

Happy Thanksgiving Mom! I love you and miss you.
Until we meet again,

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sometimes God Has a Better Plan

I grew up an only child in a home that was far from happy. My mother tried to make a family with these ingredients: One woman with child, one man who hates kids, one stubborn smart mouth kid, mix, stir, and shake till chaos ensues. I dreamed of having an older brother to beat people up for me( because I was far from the popular kid in school) and a little sister so I could do her hair. I spent my entire childhood fighting. Fighting with mom, fighting with her mentally unstable husband, and fighting to get through school alive.

When I was a teenager I knew three things for certain; 1. I would never get married, 2. I would never have kids, and 3. I would move as far away as possible. If you went to school with me you would often hear me say things like "you know statistics say if your parents don't have kids you wont either." I was going to go college become a big time buyer for Bloomingdale's, live in the city and eat food I couldn't pronounce, and not only spend my free time shopping but spend my work time shopping for the world.

Sometimes I think about what could have or would have been had my life gone down that path. As a now married woman with three kids who didn't move but 10 miles from the house she grew up in, I would have had an exciting life, I would have had the best wardrobe money could buy and I would have died alone. I need only to look at my children's faces and hold the hand of my husband to know that God had a better plan for me.

I would have missed out on so much had I followed the path I wanted for myself. It's not all been a path of roses and chocolate. My oldest child was an emergency c-section, my middle child was speech delay and didn't speak for 4 year and often would resort to hitting or pulling her hair out to get her message across. After all that I was sure I was done. I sold everything and said I have all I can handle. God had a better plan and 5 years after my youngest daughter was born we had a bouncing bundle of joy in my son. I shudder to think what my life would have been without any of them. I cannot imagine a life where they don't exist. I have lost my grandmother, my mother, and two of my aunts, I have lost the only grandfather I ever knew. I as per my childhood see my father on birthdays, Christmas, and special occasions.

I have no brothers to sisters except three steps I rarely see and didn't get till I was 25. Would they drop everything and come if I were in need? I'm not so sure. I have read where friends are the family that you choose for yourself. I believe that is true but I also believe that God has a hand in sending them your way. In that respect my family is overflowing. Sometimes God has a better plan. I have a sister I picked her out myself, she lives an hour in a half away and we talk weekly. She will drop everything and come if I need her. I would do the same for her.

So you see, I didn't become the buyer for Bloomingdale's, I became the buyer for the family. I didn't get the big degree but I can kiss boo boos and have garage sales with the best of them. I didn't move to the big city but now I'm scared to drive on interstates so that worked out well too. I grew up, got married, had children, and although my beginnings were far from ideal, God had a better plan. All those things helped to form who I would become today and who I became was a happily married woman with a real family just like I always dreamed but never thought possible. God ALWAYS has a better plan than the one we have for ourselves.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What IF We Could All Do That?

My younger daughter is going to be in a Christmas Program. She decided that she would try out playing her piano. She went in confidently and played a one handed Deck the Halls. After waiting 2 hrs for an audition and after auditioning for approximately 2 seconds she came out smiling. I look at her and say "did you even get to play?" "yes" she says and "I did awesome!" I cannot imagine how "awesome" it could have been as it seemed she went in and walked out. Being the pessimist that I am I announce how proud I am that she tried and that I hope she won't be too disappointed if she doesn't make it. To which she informs me "I'm not worried I just wanted to try it, it doesn't matter either way but I'm telling you I did good." A week later we get an email informing us that they would love to have her.

It was her birthday and she didn't seem surprised at all. She was delighted of course but not at all surprised. After all she has been practicing and now has it down two handed. So here we are another two weeks later and she has her first rehearsal. I ask her how it went. She replies "I was great!" I couldn't be happier with her enthusiasm.

It does make me wonder how many things I would have attempted pass or fail if I would have had an ounce of her confidence and enthusiasm as a child. New things can be so intimidating that I have always been too afraid to fail or even afraid to succeed to be honest. We get so comfortable with the way things are or have always been that we fear what changes would come if we succeed. If we fail it only confirms our deepest fears.

That is what is so amazing about children. They are practically fearless! I think I fear more as I get older. I drive less than I used to, I still won't ride the mini coaster at Kings Island, and I still won't go out after dark if I can help it. Even though I tell my children "it's ok don't you remember what they said on The Big Comfy Couch? The dark is the same as the light except you can't see thru it." So you see it's not always what we can teach our children, sometimes it's what they can teach us!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Say Goodbye to Baseball

Today is the day to say goodbye to baseball. Can you hear the shouts of "The Yankees are Coming, The Yankees are coming?" It's not that I don't like baseball, it's just that I don't enjoy watching a television that bounces between baseball, basketball, and football with the rapidity and speed of a tennis ball bouncing between courts. The one sport being over for the season really does make a difference. My husband actually sits with the remote in his hand so the minute there is a commercial break he can hit every channel showing a game and get all the scores before the break is over. Throw in the fact that the "World Series of Poker" is on and we are now down to nine players and we have a slide show going on the t.v. at 3 second intervals between pictures.

In all actuality the only sport I watch on television is football and that is just for the Super Bowl. The only reason I watch the Super Bowl is for the commercials. My idea of a sport is Shopping and I'll tell you why. Shopping is a contact sport. You know this if you have ever shopped on "black friday" and had to fight over the latest toys at Walmart at 5:00 a.m. Shopping is good for upper body strength. Case in point: my last shopping excursion I carried such heavy packages that at one point one of the bags broke in the middle of the mall. By the time I got my purchases to the car my arms felt like I'd been carrying 150 lbs of free weights thru a circus trying to avoid children while trying to get to the end without hurting anyone in the process. Shopping is a mental game. It takes focus to be able to keep track of what you've purchased and what you have left to buy. It also takes focus to keep track of where the best deals are. Shopping is good for the lower body as if you do it correctly you will be walking or standing for at least 10 hours with few breaks.

So you see when you play ball you have to wear the same outfit every time and all you potentially get for it is a trophy you have to share and a ring that you may never wear. When you shop you get to wear different things every time and you have many things (clothes, shoes and cute accessories) to show for it.

So goodbye baseball. Enjoy your few months off. Design some new uniforms maybe for next season. Get a pedicure you would be amazed at how good your feet will feel afterward. And take those poker players with you to the gym please. Those men sit there for hours at a time. Their bums are numb and they haven't stretched their legs in days. Their eyes are looking a little glassy too. I'm not sure they have seen sunlight for months. They need the fresh air and sunlight. Thank you for a great season.

Monday, January 5, 2009

I Believe I Can Fly...Maybe...

Wouldn't it be cool to be able to fly? Oh and wouldn't it be cool to be able to be able to work without ever leaving your house and get paid enough to never have to worry about money. Oh the dreams we have. When I was a young girl I had a dream that I could fly. I could just lift off the ground and sort of float through the air. I have no idea what that means but I always loved that dream. I would float through the mall. I would float where ever whenever. I never felt so free and alive. This is fascinating to others and to me because I am and have always been afraid of heights. I'm nervous on ladders. I have a very nervous fly erI hold on for dear life during take off and landing. Oh to have the courage to ride the Danny Phantom ride at Kings Island which looks like the closest thing to flying I could ever get. This may seem random, however I read one of my daughters books over break called "Growing Wings." It's a coming of age book about a young girl who is growing wings on her book. I feel as though I am still growing my wings some days. Metaphorically of course. I don't actually have wings, although wouldn't that be cool? I would definitely have to get over my fear of heights. In reading this book and thinking of my favorite dreams I can't help but think how much of growing up is like growing wings.

Changes happen and new things and people come and go. It can be scary and exciting a bit like growing wings. I still get nervous and scared about new and different things. My job has changed now three times each time bringing new changes and challenges. I really wish my wings were fully formed. In the book the girls back itched and ached with the growing of her wings. In new jobs or other situations it can feel uncomfortable. You can almost ache in anticipation and itch to get out of it. I have felt that way more than once. I would like to have a job where I wouldn't have to leave the house. I'm a sissy driver and I don't like to leave the house when it's bad outside. I define bad as anything that is not sunny.

As I have said I have had dreams of flying and I have a fear of heights. I have also said I'm not a dream translator. I have a theory though. I believe that the dreams of flying are like message of not being afraid. Of what life could be like if you weren't afraid of failing or falling. Growing is hard and sometimes it hurts and is uncomfortable. But, if you believe you can fly ... imagine what you could accomplish...what you could achieve...what you could aspire to be. In my experience we as humans put the more limitations on ourselves with fear than anyone else could ever place on us. So believe you can fly just like the song says. I've heard that if you can dream it you can achieve it. I have never believed I could achieve anything. Perhaps that's what the dream is about. I'm not sure but I hope to have that dream again soon. But, just in case if you find a job that doesn't require me to leave the house let me know.