Thursday, January 12, 2017

I Wonder How I Can Get Out of This?

Today started off like any other Thursday.  My son had an NJHS meeting and had to be at school early.  I got up put some sweats and a baseball cap on and proceeded to pack his lunch and get him to school.  I then came home had some coffee and cereal and watched a recording on the DVR that I hadn't gotten to yet.  About 9:30 I decided I had better kick it into high gear and start getting ready for my day because today I had a doctor's appointment to prepare for plus I had to get my daughter to her college class by eleven.

I am not a fan of going to the doctor...any doctor but I especially hate going to the lady doctor.  What makes it even worse is when you have to go to ta new doctor and you aren't sure what to expect in terms of how uncomfortable or comfortable they are going to make you.  It is a lot of information to share with anyone much less someone who have seen a total of two times which includes the visit you are at.  Today I was to go to have my annual exam so preparations were to be made.

I started with coloring my hair.  Why it matters that my grey was showing when the majority of this type of visit doesn't include the doctor looking above my waist, I have no idea.  If I learned anything from my late grandmother, it is that you try to look your best when going to the doctor.  I'm not sure why that is a thing but there you have it.  So I colored my hair but this left me running late and I had to shower quickly because I had to drive my daughter to school.  As anyone knows, one must shave on 'lady doctor day' and ordinarily shaving is not necessarily a dangerous activity that I engage in almost daily in fact since I moved to a warmer climate.  Today however, in my rush to get going I apparently thought shaving meant trying to shred my legs like a head of lettuce and my first thought was "Well, this should make an impression."  Not only am I probably going to let her know of my extreme discomfort at having to be there and how I would really rather have a root canal because at least at the dentist they have a television and they let you have custody of the remote but now I get to explain why my left leg looks like I took a cheese grater to it.  Fun!

I finished my shower and got dressed and took my daughter to school then came home to finish getting ready for my appointment.  I had several thoughts during my prepping....

1.  Whose idea was it that the way to check for this kind of cancer was to use 'the jaws of life and a forearm length cotton swab?  Were there scientists having a conversation that went like "Hey Bob, I think we should use a forearm length cotton swab and a cold metal device because that seems like it would be comfortable for everyone involved."  "Hey you're right Roger!  But you know what would make it even better is if we had a light for our heads.  Like a head-light.  Get it?  A headlight!"  "Genius!"

2.  I wonder if other women pee six times and then have to go again right before the doctor comes in the room?  Does that count as performance anxiety?

3.  I wonder how I can get out of this?  If I sign up for a hysterectomy does that mean I don't have to go to this kind of doctor anymore?  Because that is an elective I could get behind.

I don't know about you but I feel uncomfortable meeting people naked.  Call me a prude but it makes me uncomfortable.  This appointment would be the second time I would have met this woman.  It is an odd way to have a conversation.

So I got all ready for this appointment and drove all the way there and....the door was locked.  I checked my phone, I checked my appointment card because I brought it with me.  No issue there but the door is definitely locked so I knocked.....and I knocked.  Finally someone came to the door and I showed her my appointment care and said I was supposed to have an appointment.  She has me come in and tells me that the doctor is in a meeting and that they need to reschedule.  Apparently they tried to call my cell the day before but they neglected to leave a message and I don't tend to return calls from people I don't recognize the number to.

The good news is that I did get out of it, at least for the day, and now my leg has time to heal a bit.  The bad news is that now I get to go through the process all over again.  I like to think positively though so perhaps she'll have a delivery and I will get out of it again.  One can only hope.