Saturday, February 12, 2011

Who REALLY pays the "Monthly Bill"?

From Barbie Dolls to Training Bras, when the monthly bill arrives, who REALLY has to pay the bill. You know what I'm talking about, that monthly bill you can't pay with the checkbook. When I was a kid we always said that our Aunt Flo had come for a visit. She is the worst aunt ever by the way, and at our house she comes three times a month. So we have the pre, the during, and the post which is really just a lead in to another pre for someone else. It never ends... ever.

I have heard an urban myth that when women live together their cycles tend to align. In the last four years the stars have only aligned for this to happen once. Which is why I believe it may be an urban myth. Not even two of us get the same week. Three females with two males living in one house with cycles all out of line. I have told my friends that if you want to pray for someone, pray for the men who live in my house. I am sure there are worse fates. However, when the monthly bill arrives in our house, EVERYONE pays for it.

I have convinced myself that I should buy stock in my old friend Midol. She is a great friend really. She keeps all of our sanities in check. That and of course the numerous cappuccino drinks that I've taken to drinking to give me energy to keep up with it all. Of course the only thing that is doing for me is adding to the ever expanding waist line. This does nothing at all to help with my poor body image. Especially, when that monthly bill arrives and you're bloated and you're carrying more water weight than Shamu.

I sometimes think back to my formative years and remember those early years with my aunt. In the year or so prior to her first visit, I remember being excited and ready to be a "woman". Of course, I also remember after her first visit thinking perhaps it might be better to be able to pee outside. At least that wouldn't be painful or necessarily messy. My mother's best friend had brought me this big box full of necessities. I was prepared. Well prepared in the box full of products that did not include things such as Midol and Pamperin. The box also didn't include a heating pad or warning label as to what all this entailed and how long this thing was going to go on.

When my first child recieved her first visit, she was devestated. Far from the excitement I had. She wanted to know how long this thing was going to last. I said well...for about a week every month till you are maybe fifty or so. She was furious! She said... Seriously? I ask you a simple question and you can't even give me a real answer! I then had to remind her of my age and that mine still came every month. When she realized I was serious, she was even more devestated than before.

While I'm sure that boys have their issues, as I'm sure to find out now that I have a son who in just a few short years will be entering puberty. I have to say even with all the drawbacks that come with the monthly bill I rather enjoy being a woman. The wardrobe is just so much better. Just in the shoe department alone, I would never make it as a man. That and the fact that they pick a hairstyle and go with it, forever.

I guess while the payment in the monthly bill can be high especially in those first few years while adjustments are being made, it's all worth it in the end. If nothing else it is certainly an exercise in patience and learning to be accepting of all people no matter what their mood or yours may be. As I tell my kids, you may not be able to control what is happening to your body at present, you CAN control how you react to it. If all women everywhere acted like crazy people when they had their "special" time it would be the end of the human race. I am sure that if the women didn't kill each other the men would get sick of all the nonsense and off them themselves. Forget dinner being ready on time, the complaining is just too much, they'd all just go back to hunting and putting a pig on the spit for dinner. And really? The words pig and spit and dinner just don't belong in the same sentence. Which is why I believe Prayer, Midol, and the ocassional cappuccino to be the best remedy or payment as the case may be.

No comments: