Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A Pioneer I Am Not

I may be a lot of things but a pioneer I am not. We are under a winter storm warning until 7 p.m. Wednesday. OK so I knew it was going to snow. What I didn't know until too late was the magnitude of said snow and ice. I don't watch the news and spend most of my time reading books. I wasn't too concerned with the prospect of snow as we have plenty of food to get us through and I have nowhere that I need to be until it has all passed and gone. Then I get all these reports that we need to be prepared for power outages. Really?

So I spent my evening looking for the minescule amount of candles that I own in the house. I only own them for decorating purposes and if the lights go out. I can't smell them and the potential fire hazzard they hold has always held little appeal for me. So I found the candles and the matches and lined them all up on the kitchen counter ready to go. Then it occurrs to me that if we have no power, we also have no heat. That will be OK my husband says as we can layer our clothes and we have plenty of blankets. To which my reply of course was "Seriously? You would have us all get naked in the bed huddled under twenty seven blankets using body heat to keep warm?" To which his reply is (after he finishes laughing at me)"Why on earth would we need to be naked?" To which I replied with "Uh hello? Survival 101 you get naked and use your body heat to survive. If we have no heat in the house it's no better than being stranded in the car, we are sitting ducks here kid. Our innate desire to survive will eventually take over. You do know what the temperatures are out there right?" This is usually about the point where he just walks me off. As the middle-aged drama queen has taken over and all reason has left the building.

He spent the evening at work. I spent the evening looking for him to come through the door to save us from our impending doom. In between text messages from me asking if we should consider buying firewood for the fireplace that we only used once ten years ago and don't know how to use, he was saving the town from their impending doom of going without their medication in the storm. When he came through the door, I was snug in my chair with a blanket, with a space heater running in the room, watching a movie. I figured I should be as warm and comfortable in my habitat before my habitat became cold and uncomfortable with a potential power outage. But I did get up and throw myself into his arms and thank the Lord for an answered prayer.

I also explained to him that if we had gotten some firewood and we used our fireplace, we could cook our food over the open fire. Just like the pioneers did. To which he looked at me with doubt in his eyes and said "you are going to light a fire over which to cook food?" Honestly I said, I was hoping he would light the actual fire and then I would become all pioneer woman like and cook these wonderful meals with biscuits and such and we would eat out of tin cups and plates. In this fantasy I am also somehow wearing a dress with an apron over it and my hair has miraculously grown and is up in a bun.

If you don't know I'm currently learning to cook more than the five staples we usually eat. Also I rarely bake and if I do it's pre-formed cookies. The last time I made pre-formed cookies I burned them. Apparently there is a rather large difference between 375 and 325. My mind said 375, the instructions however said 325. Hence, only one tray of warm moist cookies and several of the crunchy variety. The idea of me cooking over an open fire is ridiculous to say the least. We will have to survive if and when the power goes out on cereal and chips and diet Pepsi. Because I may be a lot of things, a middle-aged drama queen maybe, but a pioneer I am not.

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