Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Birds Poo and Bees Sting

I've been pooed on!  I was minding my own business walking through a patch of palm trees while on vacation when all of a sudden poo.  On my eye and around my eye.  Not in my hair, nowhere near my clothes, or shoes.  On. My. EYE!  Seriously!  Can you say Bird Flu?  I went to the restroom and washed my eye.  Then I went to the restroom two more times to wash and flush it all until I felt like I wasn't going to hyperventilate.  All the rest of the day all I could think of was bird flu.  You don't just bounce right back when a bird poos on your eye.

Today I went out to the shed to get the lawn mower out to mow the yard.  When I opened the door I noticed a couple of small bee hives attached to the inside of the door.  I didn't concern myself too much because I didn't intend on bothering them so I figured they would leave me alone.  NO!  I no sooner started pulling the riding lawn mower out when one of the bees stings me on the back of the neck.  On the back of my neck in case you missed the where.  Do you know what is in your neck?  All sorts of things that keep you alive.  That is what is in your neck.  I hadn't been stung by a bee since childhood.  The pain from a bee sting gets worse before it gets better.  I went inside and grabbed ice and called my mother in law who is a nurse to ask her what else to do.  Apparently ice and baking soda is the magic cure.  I wrapped a paper towel around iced and used a scarf to keep it there and after my allotted time of 30 minutes to make sure I don't have a reaction I mowed the yard.

I am not pleased with flying animals.  Birds no longer intrigue me with their beautiful flight.  I want to learn how to shoot them out of the air.  That is where I'm at with birds.  Today my oldest daughter and I went to run some errands.  When we got home my yard was full of birds.  I told her to run over them.  She didn't.  She has never been pooed on.  I may get over it...I may not.

As far as bees go.  I've decided to eat a lot of honey.  I may eat honey every single day for the rest of my life.  Those bees now work for me.  I keep thinking of the Bee Movie and how shocked the bee was that humans eat all of their honey.  Oh and my husband has instructions to take care of those hives and the bees that live in them.  I am not going be scared to get in my shed.

These flying creatures apparently have a problem with me.  I used to be so enamored with their flight.  I used to have dreams of flying.  Now I only want to fly in an airplane.  I don't get pooed on in airplanes.  I don't get stung on the back of the neck near vital parts on airplanes.

These instances have confirmed what I have always known about myself.  I'm not outdoorsy.  I will never find pleasure in camping.  I don't want to go bird watching.  I don't want to take up bee keeping.  That is for the birds.  (pun intended)  No.  No.  No.  Those flying creatures cannot be trusted.  They serve a purpose I'm sure.  I am pretty sure their purpose is  not to poo on my eye or sting me on the back of the neck!  When I asked my mother about the birds and the bees as a teenager do you know what she told me?  Bees sting and birds poo on cars.  Well she got it partly right.  Apparently they like eyes too.

Tomorrow I am spending the day outside at a flee market.  I'm thinking of wearing a scarf and taking an umbrella.  Well what you do if they pooed on you?

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