Sunday was Mother's Day and while I spent my day enjoying my family, it did not escape me that this was my l0th Mother's Day without my mom. I miss my mom every day and while holidays are hard, I no longer spend them longing for what I don't have. I choose to spend them relishing in what I still have.
I am blessed to be the mother of three children who drive me crazy, make me question my sanity, make me wonder if I am the only one who messes up, fill my heart with joy, make me believe in miracles, give hugs like no other, inspire me, challenge me, overwhelm me in every way, and remind me that there are people in this life worth sacrificing everything for. We spent our day visiting with family, laughing, eating, playing, resting, and enjoying being in each others presence. I missed my mom but I was reminded that I too am a mom. Plus she got to spend her Mother's Day in paradise with Jesus and I'm willing to bet her day was far more spectacular than anything I would have planned out for her.
Today I did the countdown to the end of the school year. At this point in the year the adults at school are right there with the kids hanging on by a thread. I am ready for summer and yet... this year is different. It's the end. The end of high school for one and the beginning of something else. Thoughts of graduation and the subsequent open house and planning for her going off to college swirl around my head making me dizzy.
It is exciting yet terrifying to think of your children not living with you and striking out on their own and yet I'm reminded that she is God's child and He has a plan for her. One that I am not privy to but must trust will be carried out and will bring only good for her.
I know this to be true and yet when I walk by her room and think about her not being in there every night, I feel lost and incomplete somehow. As though a part of my very being is no longer going to live here. My heart aches and my stomach hurts and I feel as though if I sleep long enough I won't have to let her go. Sleep eludes me. I get engrossed in books so I won't have to think about it. I have an adult case of separation anxiety, I think.
The flip side of that is that I can't wait for her to go. I get so excited to see what happens to her in college. Will she meet her best friend for life like I did? Will she meet a boy? Will she fall in love? Will she get good grades? Will she discover what God's plan for her life is and what her calling is? I am overwhelmed by all of her prospects and get so excited to see what God has in store for her that I can't wait to watch it all unfold before us.
But first is the party. When I graduated my mother had a cake some nuts and some mints. My family and a few friends came by to give me some gifts and wish me. We had some cake and that was it. It is so much more than that now. We have to have food and cake and tents and caterers and entertainment. Some even renting out halls for the occasion. Nothing but nothing about a graduation or even a kid's birthday party is simple anymore. Just a bunch of parents trying to outdo every other parent and show they love their kid more because they gave them more. And for what? In the end does it matter?
We will have food but I am preparing it with friends because really, who would want to eat it if I made it on my own? We have corn hole, a pool that is unheated, a cheep net to play volleyball or badminton that may or may not stay up, and an iPod for entertainment. The cake I'm ordering from the grocery store. I can't keep up with the Jones' nor do I want to try. Perfection eludes me and perfection is boring anyway.
Her party will be great because the people who love her will be there to congratulate her and cheer her on to bigger things. Her party will be great because she will be there. Even my mom will be there. In spirit of course, but I doubt she would want to miss it.
So I'm just over here having mini-melt downs and trusting Jesus to get us through all of the excitement and even the calm time when the excitement is over and reality sets in. In between melt downs though I have work to do. I have a lot of envelopes that need addressed or no one is going to show up to the party!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Forty Two
Not long ago they started showing the movie 42 on HBO. I didn't get to
the movie theater to see the movie but had wanted to check it out, so when we
came across it on HBO my husband and I started watching it. As it turns
out we really enjoy this movie. So much so that if it is on we watch
it. In fact, it is on even as I type this.
One evening when my husband and I were watching this movie it occurred to me that he was 42. So I looked at him and I said, "Hey you're forty two, what is that like?" He looked at me as you might think, like I was crazy and said, "Yeah its fine" and continued to watch the movie. That is when it hit me...if he is 42 that means that I'm 41! Wait a minute… when did that happen?
This year I will turn forty two. But will I really? I started thinking about age. Have you noticed that once you hit a certain age the actual number doesn't come into play unless it is divisible by ten? You are an age range. Technically I'm in my early 40's now, not almost 42. Eventually everything is a range, early, mid, late, early to mid, mid to late. But we hold on to that mid to late with everything until we absolutely HAVE to accept that next big number that ends with a zero, then we have a party that we made it.
Aside from my contemplations of weird age anomalies, I also have other things about the movie 42 that I love. I love that Jackie says, "You want a player who doesn't have the guts to fight back?" and Mr. Rickey responds with, "No. I want a player who has the guts NOT to fight back." Amazing isn't it? The guts to NOT fight back!
I am reminded of the Bible. In Matthew 5:39 it says, "But I say this, don't fight against the one who is working evil against you. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, you are to turn and offer him your left cheek." What strength and conviction of faith it takes to not fight back! Our instincts are to fight back and stand up for ourselves. And yet...Jesus says no and taking it one step farther and saying in verse 44 of that same chapter in Matthew "But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you-" and in 45 "in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us-good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on the evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner."
Yes, I think it takes a great deal more guts to not fight back. Maybe you didn't watch this movie and take away from it all that I did, for me it was a good reminder of what we should do and yet sometimes fail to do. In a world full of movies with little to no moral compass, it was nice to watch a movie based on a man who had courage and faith to see it through. Perhaps it was nice to also be reminded of my age. I have a lot of work to do as this year I will be 42.
One evening when my husband and I were watching this movie it occurred to me that he was 42. So I looked at him and I said, "Hey you're forty two, what is that like?" He looked at me as you might think, like I was crazy and said, "Yeah its fine" and continued to watch the movie. That is when it hit me...if he is 42 that means that I'm 41! Wait a minute… when did that happen?
This year I will turn forty two. But will I really? I started thinking about age. Have you noticed that once you hit a certain age the actual number doesn't come into play unless it is divisible by ten? You are an age range. Technically I'm in my early 40's now, not almost 42. Eventually everything is a range, early, mid, late, early to mid, mid to late. But we hold on to that mid to late with everything until we absolutely HAVE to accept that next big number that ends with a zero, then we have a party that we made it.
Aside from my contemplations of weird age anomalies, I also have other things about the movie 42 that I love. I love that Jackie says, "You want a player who doesn't have the guts to fight back?" and Mr. Rickey responds with, "No. I want a player who has the guts NOT to fight back." Amazing isn't it? The guts to NOT fight back!
I am reminded of the Bible. In Matthew 5:39 it says, "But I say this, don't fight against the one who is working evil against you. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, you are to turn and offer him your left cheek." What strength and conviction of faith it takes to not fight back! Our instincts are to fight back and stand up for ourselves. And yet...Jesus says no and taking it one step farther and saying in verse 44 of that same chapter in Matthew "But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you-" and in 45 "in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us-good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on the evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner."
Yes, I think it takes a great deal more guts to not fight back. Maybe you didn't watch this movie and take away from it all that I did, for me it was a good reminder of what we should do and yet sometimes fail to do. In a world full of movies with little to no moral compass, it was nice to watch a movie based on a man who had courage and faith to see it through. Perhaps it was nice to also be reminded of my age. I have a lot of work to do as this year I will be 42.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Give Peace A Chance
Daphne is working this spring break. She has a job at the mall. Last night when she arrived home she asked this question, "what do Amish people have against peace signs?" What? Yeah I have no idea. Which is of course what I said. Apparently some Amish people came in and were looking at clothing and when they saw they had peace signs on them they just left. She found this curious as I suppose I would have when I was her age. I suppose it is a little curious even now but I don't care enough about what other people will or won't wear to worry about it. Unless of course you are at an amusement park walking around in a bikini and refuse to put clothes on, then I have a problem with you. I am a firm believer that there is a reason why we have clothes and also that there is a reason why we invented houses (no I don't want to go camping with you) but that's another story.
I love this girl so much because of her curiosity. Of course she googled it. As it turns out it isn't a matter of not giving peace a chance so much as it is a matter of vanity. She felt better about the lack of purchase after that. She thought it was different and she didn't get it but then she says she doesn't understand Jewish people not wanting to finish the rest of the Bible either so...there's that too. Her outlook on these things while perhaps a bit misguided are funny.
People are interesting. Each one of us made in God's image and yet with different personalities and interests. It is perfectly natural to be curious about our differences. I think the key is to learn about others while not losing sight of who we are. Accepting others is an exercise in tolerance and love. I also believe that we can love people who are different from us while not agreeing with their choices and beliefs.
What do you suppose keeps us from accepting people who are different than ourselves? Fear? I wonder what we stand to lose. My kids are still young and learning about the world, but it is interesting when it is adults that are not accepting. Here is what I find interesting. The very foundation of our country was built on the pursuit of religious freedom. Yet we cannot say prayer in schools and we cannot have the very mention of God in print or word in government buildings. Some people are offended by my Christian beliefs and have gone to court to attempt to quiet them and the irony of the situation is that God is so much a part of our country they put God on our money. "In God We Trust" And I have not once seen any of these people refusing to spend money.
I am offended by lots of things as I am sure many of my fellow Christians are. The difference is this...I am not afraid of their beliefs as much as others are of mine. It bothers me that people who are sworn to protect what our country stands for are willing to bend and change laws to accommodate people who have a problem with the very things that our country was founded on. I'm not going to take anyone to court, I'm not going to get into a debate, and I'm not going to make anyone feel like less because they don't have the same beliefs as I do. Which would be another difference. I feel it's better if I just speak truth, pray, and leave it up to God to deal with that.
If you want to wear peace signs or a bikini that's your choice. I think bikinis belong on a beach or by a pool and not around an amusement park. I may look at you curiously and the mother in me will want to cover you up but it's your choice. Just like it's my choice to think orange is a horrible color and ranks right up there with the color of baby food peas. No good can come from it. A lot of good can come from believing in Jesus but again it is your choice to believe. Just give me the same courtesy as I choose to give you for your beliefs. Give peace a chance.
I love this girl so much because of her curiosity. Of course she googled it. As it turns out it isn't a matter of not giving peace a chance so much as it is a matter of vanity. She felt better about the lack of purchase after that. She thought it was different and she didn't get it but then she says she doesn't understand Jewish people not wanting to finish the rest of the Bible either so...there's that too. Her outlook on these things while perhaps a bit misguided are funny.
People are interesting. Each one of us made in God's image and yet with different personalities and interests. It is perfectly natural to be curious about our differences. I think the key is to learn about others while not losing sight of who we are. Accepting others is an exercise in tolerance and love. I also believe that we can love people who are different from us while not agreeing with their choices and beliefs.
What do you suppose keeps us from accepting people who are different than ourselves? Fear? I wonder what we stand to lose. My kids are still young and learning about the world, but it is interesting when it is adults that are not accepting. Here is what I find interesting. The very foundation of our country was built on the pursuit of religious freedom. Yet we cannot say prayer in schools and we cannot have the very mention of God in print or word in government buildings. Some people are offended by my Christian beliefs and have gone to court to attempt to quiet them and the irony of the situation is that God is so much a part of our country they put God on our money. "In God We Trust" And I have not once seen any of these people refusing to spend money.
I am offended by lots of things as I am sure many of my fellow Christians are. The difference is this...I am not afraid of their beliefs as much as others are of mine. It bothers me that people who are sworn to protect what our country stands for are willing to bend and change laws to accommodate people who have a problem with the very things that our country was founded on. I'm not going to take anyone to court, I'm not going to get into a debate, and I'm not going to make anyone feel like less because they don't have the same beliefs as I do. Which would be another difference. I feel it's better if I just speak truth, pray, and leave it up to God to deal with that.
If you want to wear peace signs or a bikini that's your choice. I think bikinis belong on a beach or by a pool and not around an amusement park. I may look at you curiously and the mother in me will want to cover you up but it's your choice. Just like it's my choice to think orange is a horrible color and ranks right up there with the color of baby food peas. No good can come from it. A lot of good can come from believing in Jesus but again it is your choice to believe. Just give me the same courtesy as I choose to give you for your beliefs. Give peace a chance.
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