Enlightenment comes when you stop looking around for it. In my wildest dreams I never imagined that I would ever run. Of course I'm still not sure what I do could constitute running. Today during our run a neighbor came up in his car and asked me if I were trudging through Nutella. When I finished begging him for gum, because I had forgotten to grab some before heading out, I told him that was exactly what I was doing. So there is one lesson learned: Never, ever, under any circumstances run without gum. All that huffing and puffing makes for a very dry mouth which makes the run almost unbearable. He didn't have any gum but offered me water which I declined because I can't carry anything when I run. It's just too much of a hardship. I have enough trouble carrying myself.
Today we ran for thirty minutes. In. A. Row. Yes, you read that correctly. The girl who whined about running for two minutes is now running for thirty. Not well I might add, but running nonetheless. It's painful, I ache, and it doesn't help me in my quest to stay up late and read as many books as I possibly can in one year, but I am persisting in the quest. I am being enlightened in doing so.
God tends to use unlikely means to get his point across. I always said I couldn't run and I wouldn't run. So...God put it on my husband's heart to want to Run for God. I wish he had put it on my heart to want to run. He didn't. I still don't want to run. But he did put it on my heart to want to encourage my husband and to do this with him. He also took a non-runner and made her a runner, or a trudger (that may not be an actual word but it should be) at the very least.
A couple of weeks ago we were going out to run for twenty minutes. I told myself that my rate of surviving the runs was 100% so I needed to just get over it and get ready to go. Funny how just as we were getting ready to go I heard a whisper from God that said that my survival rate for public speaking was also at 100%. Some people tend to look at me funny when I tell them that. Sometimes God whispers to me but sometimes I need big neon signs.
In July I was asked to speak in November to a group of ladies in the Department Club. Now maybe that doesn't sound unusual to you. Maybe it isn't but what if I told you that just the day before in church we were talking about evangelism and everyone took a candle to light and pray about who we could ask to church. In all fairness maybe not everyone took a candle. I did take one, to this day I think it is still in my car. In my mind I thought, "Well sure I can invite someone to church. No problem!" The next day I got the phone call asking me to come speak. God not only whispers and uses flashing neon signs sometimes he just uses his sense of humor. Funny that I can't just go speak to one person I get to go speak to the masses. OK maybe not the masses. There could be only like ten of them for all I know. But you see the humor right?
I think I'm learning that maybe there are a lot of things that I have always thought I couldn't do that maybe I can do. (Excuse the obnoxiously long sentence.The get longer when I get excited.)
Saturday I went to see Beth Moore live. I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing she is. I look at her and I think, "She is who people should hear speak. Not someone like me. I couldn't possibly have anything to share that could help anyone." But what if I'm wrong? What if I'm just broken enough that God could use me to help even one? Being the runner that I am, in which I tend to run from everything. I'm usually too scared for anything out of my realm of comfort. God is trying to teach me not to run away but to run to him and let him do the work.
At the end of the even on Saturday Beth asked anyone who struggled with panic and fear to stand up so we could be prayed for. Yes I said we. That's my first reaction always. I stood and my best friend and people I've never met laid hands on me and prayed for me. I have never experienced that before. It was very emotional. I suppose I have never thought about whether or not anyone prays for me other than my children, my husband, and Christi (a.k.a. the bff. If you have read my books you've read about our antics.) After the event I asked her if she was ready to take our act on the road. She's not so sure but I think I have her convinced we should have a band. The way I see it, any mistakes I might make in speaking can be made up for by a good praise band.
All that to say this...I'm still running, I'm a runner, only from now on I'm running towards something instead of away from something. Oh and IF you are unfortunate or fortunate enough depending on your perspective to hear me speak, just keep in mind I'm a movie lover so there will be movie references and even clips shown. This broken servant needs visual aids.