Today was another run day for us. My husband says that he thinks Wednesdays are the best run days. He thinks we get farther or go faster. He may go farther faster but I am still lagging behind. I can't keep up. I trot along with my bouncy shuffle hoping that a bone in my calve doesn't break because my calves hurt so much when I run, I feel sure that something is about to break. This cannot be normal. The only consolation I find in this is that while he does shoot out far ahead of me, he does always walk back to me for the walk part of this venture. This ensures that if I do go down, he will find me and I won't be alone for long. (Hmm...kind of like God keeps coming for us. I feel a lesson here.)
As I was running and listening to my music today, I kept my eyes on my husbands back so I would know when to stop running and when to walk. (His phone has the app running while my phone plays the music that keeps me going.) It occurred to me that this scenario is much like our relationship with God. Only when we keep our eyes on Him do we know which direction to go and when a change is coming.
I sing along when I run sometimes. I also apparently have revelations about my walk/run with God. I realized also that the pain I feel in my legs could be compared to growing pains. Oh I don't think I'm going to get any taller and if two weeks of this business hasn't helped me to lose any weight yet, I'd venture that it's not going to any time soon. I think I'm having more than one kind of growing pains though. As I run and feel the pain in my legs, I tell myself that it cannot possible hurt forever. This pain that I'm feeling now will go away once I get to where I'm going, which is home when my run is over. (Side note: Could this help with restless leg syndrome? I, of course, self diagnosed myself with this but I do wonder if it will help or hinder this problem.)
Much like the pain I have in my legs from running, I seem to be having growing pains in my faith. I get asked to do things that I don't necessarily want to do. I don't feel qualified to do. I don't feel prepared to do. I don't think should be necessary for me to do, but mostly I just don't want to do. I am having growing pains and I feel weak. But then 2Corinthians 12:9 pops into my head. It says: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
I am weak but He is strong. In the race to this life's finish line I don't want to miss out on the celebration at the end. While I'm feeling the growing pains now, with Christ all things are made new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
If then any be in Christ a new creature, the old things are passed away, behold all things
are made new. I don't know how new I qualify to be at this age, but I do know I have a lot of growing to do. I also know that I don't want to stay the caterpillar if I can become the butterfly. Butterflies are beautiful and they can fly.
When I run I sometimes grow weary. I won't lie to you about that. (It is sincerely possible that I'm doing something wrong while actually running. Form maybe? I don't know) In the Bible study we are doing it quotes Isaiah 40:31 -but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar
on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk
and not be faint. I don't want to grow weary. I want to run my race and meet my Jesus at the finish line. I sing praises to God while I run and my legs are burning but when I get to the part where I'm asked to trust and fulfill what may be my true purpose I do sometimes grow weary there too. I'm getting there. When asked personally by someone to do something I say yes. I panic first of course and throw a fit, but then I say yes. It's my process. God knows it's coming. God understands growing pains.
I don't have everything figured out yet. This running Bible study has given me much to ponder and I think I'm learning a lot. Mostly that sometimes we get asked to do things we don't necessarily want to do (like running, speaking in front of people in a class, speaking in front of a large group, like running) but if we will only allow ourselves to try something different we might just get to the other side and wonder what we were afraid of in the first place. It's just growing pains...I have them, you might have them too. I hope to see you on the other side.