Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Winter, Treadmills, and Kevin James

This has been a hard winter.  The weather has been far more winter-like than I enjoy.  Subzero temps and so much snow that I almost long for the color green.  With the loss of Linus adding to the hardship of the winter it is safe to say that we are ready for spring to arrive. 

We have missed a great deal of school due to the weather and when we get these unexpected days off we tend to spend them watching movies and reading books.  Yesterday we had one of these days and as I woke up, I thought of how I had sat much of the last three days due to the weather and not being able to get out. It occurred to me that perhaps my muscles and bones were starting to atrophy.  I decided to get up and get on the treadmill to get some exercise.  It has been quite some time since I exercised, so I started out on level two.  I started out pretty strong for being so weak.  But then I started feeling quite weak. 

I was walking up and down small inclines and thinking how useful it would be when we take our trip to the sandy beaches this year.  I was encouraging myself that this was good to be exercising my muscles this way when ...I started feeling a bit nauseous and light headed.  I had five minutes left and I was not going to make it.  My thoughts then turned to whether I would throw up or pass out first.  I stopped it and got off and sat down (if I insert here that I sat on the Bowflex do I get extra exercise points?).  My son brought me water, asked if I was going to be ok, and then got back to the business of Minecraft.  As I am trying to cool myself off and considering if this is in fact what it means to be a heart attack waiting to happen the phone rings.

I pull myself to standing and walk slanted to answer the phone.  It was a woman wanting to set up an appointment with my husband and me.  As the room was currently spinning and I was noticing the amount of sweat pooling on my back I informed her that I was going to need a minute as she caught me figuring out that I was in fact alarmingly out of shape and that I was having flash backs to every Kevin James movie I'd ever seen when he had to do any physical activity ever.  I checked the calendar made the appointment and got off the phone.

It was at this point that my eldest daughter came downstairs and I informed her that I was a heart attack waiting to happen and that she gets the exact amount of exercise I do so she may be too.  I then told her to go get on the treadmill.  She declined and went after some Frosted Flakes for breakfast.  I went after some oatmeal because....fiber.  I also used a packet instead of making it myself from the large container so who are we kidding here, I wasn't going for completely full.  I also worked on drinking my bottle of water, also known as the stuff that saves you when you are having a breakdown on a treadmill, also you needs water.  So I'm having breakfast and trying to convince her to exercise with me and she says she can't because she has to work that night and she needs to be able to move.  When she finished breakfast she promptly when upstairs to shower and get ready for the work she had coming in seven hours. 

I finished breakfast and soon went to finish my last five minutes on the treadmill.  After which I did a couple of things on the Bowflex and a few crunches.  Later when I talked to a friend on the phone I told her about my exercise adventure.  I also told her that someone had once again asked me to go to zumba.  I told her that there was no way I'd be able to keep up in a zumba class if I can't finish thirty minutes on a treadmill and while I knew that in schools they have defibrillators in many hallways I had never seen one in the church where these zumba classes take place.

I had very good thoughts about getting started on physical fitness this year.  Those thoughts were trumped by Ben and Jerry's and the fact that everyone sends us fudge for Christmas and I eat when I'm sad.  It's a starting point this last adventure on the treadmill though.  I may get introduced as the fat cousin at my cousin's wedding this next month but I think that is OK.  Everyone should be looking at the bride anyway.  Plus it would be a shame to be dieting when we go to the wedding.  Rumor has it they are having a dessert bar and who wants to miss out on that?  That being said I think we have more snow coming and there is a very good chance that we are not finished with the unexpected days off from school.  Perhaps instead of spending the entire time sitting and reading two books this next time I'll read a bit while I walk on the treadmill.  Even more sad than missing out on the dessert bar is being wildly out of shape and not being willing to make a change.

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