Today I find myself in a daydream of sorts. I was thinking about my children. Realizing just how old they are getting. It occurred to me in that space of wonderment where you are awake and conscious of reality but lost in your own thoughts, just what it means now that my daughter has entered high school. Sure I'm aware that we are indeed about half way into the first 9 weeks of school and that she has in fact been in high school the entire time. But the reality of everything that entails hit me like a blunt force object. The reality that she doesn't go to a private all girl school and that at some point boys will start noticing her whether or not she notices them makes my stomach churn. In my mind she is still four years old and while she understands that boys are not girls, she doesn't think they matter any more than she thinks it's important to watch anything that isn't on the Disney channel. While she still loves Disney, she is more interested in how she can grow up to work for Disney and the making of the shows, than perhaps a lot of the shows themselves. And while she knows the differences in boys and girls and has come to appreciate the way certain boys a.k.a. Taylor Lautner or Daniel Radcliffe look. She has seemingly not taken much notice of actual boys within her realm. She knows they are there, she just doesn't seem to acknowledge their worth. None of them can get her to her chosen future so they hold little appeal and as of yet she hasn't seen one that has that certain smile or the abs she likes. She is also so shy I'm quite certain if a boy took notice of her and tried to talk to her, she may just try to become one with the wall.
I take full responsibility for such behavior as I have trained her well. I have told her from the beginning that boys are not anything but a distraction at this point in her life. While I acknowledge the fact that it is perfectly normal to notice boys. I am also familiar with being a teenage boy crazy girl. I spent much of my youth while trying to blend in also hoping that a boy would take notice of me. Looking longingly across the lunch room at the one who had the right kind of smile. I also know that had I spent more time hitting the books and less time worrying if I would ever get a date, I would probably be more likely a candidate for something other than the garage sale queen of the year award. As parents we want to protect our children from anything and everything that may hurt them. There isn't much that can hurt a teenage girl more than a teenage boy. Which is why I established the "no boys allowed" rule years ago. While in the 4th grade her peers were "dating" and are still "dating" my child was focusing on grades and a means to an end. I make no apology for this fact, I relish it even. While countless other mothers are dealing with boyfriend woes and concerned with whether or not their kid will go to prom, mine is looking for prerequisites to get into Brown. After all, all the best go to Brown if you are interested in the film industry.
Today in my daymare? if that is what you call it. There came a time during her high school career that a boy wanted to call her. I saw it all very clearly. The boy came up to her and said he has noticed her and wondered if he might call her. I saw her look at him as though he had just caught on fire and turn and walk away. Then I saw another possible reality. She said sure and gave him her number. I have no idea how I would react to a boy calling my daughter. I see myself eating Tums like it's a lifeline I cannot do without. The first time one comes to the house? I may need to be hospitalized. I know how to instill fear in my own children. I have no idea how to instill fear into someone else's. And above all they SHOULD fear me. If a boy were to lay a finger on my child inappropriately. Let's just say, when I get angry my eyes turn red, my horns come out, and I turn green all over. It's not pretty. It's also non photographical (yeah I may have made that word up too), so there isn't any record of it actually happening, but it could. Think leaping tall buildings in a single bound. Think lifting cars like lifting sweat socks. See? It's crazy! I can't even get myself to consider the idea of it.
Honestly I have no idea how my mother did it. She was fierce! I didn't date until I was 16. I did get my first "real" kiss at the skating rink in 8th grade. Shh It's OK she doesn't mind anymore. I rode in cars with boys I met while working at the mall. I dated boys older and from other schools and not once did she meet their parents. HOW did she do it? I can't conceive of it! My mind refuses to wrap around the idea of any of it. I'm not old enough, I'm not ready. I may be old enough to not remember my hair color, but I do remember boys. Boys have hands and.. and... ideas. I need depends just thinking about it. When I was a little girl my mother told me that a little girl much like me was taken as she was walking home in the dark. So it was very important for me to be home BEFORE dark. To this day I'm still afraid to be out after dark alone. My kids? Never out after dark unless with me or another adult. Why? Because as my mother once said "kids get taken, it's a dark scary world." We don't take unnecessary risks. I'm not sure if boys qualify in that category or not but look around. Look at the number of teenage pregnancies. Look at the magazines that show all the teenage girls that have been killed by boyfriends. Do I want my daughters to one day find a boy, fall in love, get married and give me a house full of grandchildren? Of course! But later. Much much later. After high school, after college, after they are settled into their careers. I think part of the reason divorce rates are so high is people rush into a life they know nothing about. Before they have even discovered who they are and who they want to be. We have a why wait attitude when we should have a don't settle attitude. I met my husband my senior year in high school. We went to college THEN we got married. Of course then we figured out quickly where babies come from. But I didn't settle. I knew who he was, who he would be, and who I would be with him before we married. I knew how many cavities he had ever had, I knew every tiny detail I could think to ask. I saw the gene pool. I knew what I was working with here. I knew for certain that I could never get through this life without him and that no one else on the planet would ever make me happier. Ok I also knew that no one else on the planet would ever tolerate my antics but who better than the biggest instigator I knew to be my partner in life? I want that for them. LATER! MUCH Later!
I worry about my younger daughter too. I have a feeling I'm gonna be busy with her. I will of course go on my kids dates. I have it all planned out. I will have the boy come to the door. Interrogate them intently, find out where they are going, and then my covert operative training (OK I watch Psych that's my training but it's good and still counts) takes effect and I stealthily follow to make sure they are going where they say they are. Then I beat them home and nonchalantly read a magazine until he walks her to the door and she comes inside. But if they stay in the car too long, then I flash the outside lights, that's what my mom did. So you see I may have my ideals of what I would like to happen, but I am also realistic in the fact that they will probably date while in high school. I also have it planned out so it's good. Yes, I'm feeling much better about this. I may be able to get through this without the depends. The Tums I'll still need, but it's OK I know someone who can get them for me and he delivers.