A New Year and Some Straight Lines

A new year.  How can it be that it is 2014 already?  I remember 1996, or I should say that I remember one thing very clearly about 1996.  I became a mother.  I am one of those people who when I think of the 90's, I think it was only ten years ago.  Perhaps that is part of the problem.  It wasn't just ten years ago. 

My oldest daughter is seventeen.  She will graduate from high school this year.  In preparing for this event, I started cutting t-shirts into squares in an effort to make a t-shirt blanket for her.  Yes I own a sewing machine, no I do not use it much.  When my girls were little I thought I should learn to sew.  A very kind lady from our church then helped me to make beautiful dresses and things for my girls.  This lasted...well a short time.  Raising two girls nineteen months apart became very busy and my sewing machine got put away for several years.  It made a brief appearance to make a Halloween costume for my son several years ago as the thing he wanted to be was not sold in stores.  Again with that costume I had help. 

This week my sewing machine was brought out from under my bed and placed on a table in the family room to start the process of making a t-shirt blanket that I am not at all prepared to make both talent wise and emotionally.  As I sit here this morning at my desk I realize I am dragging my feet.  It it one step in the process of letting go and she woke up this morning not feeling well.  How can she possibly be this old?  In my mind's eye I can see her in her pig tails and footy pajamas carrying her teddy bear. 

But then how fair is that?  I myself was once a little girl in pig tails and footy pajamas carrying a teddy bear.  Yet here I am a grown woman married with children and although I wish I could keep her with me forever, I know it isn't to be.  It is not for me to clip her wings but to encourage her to spread them out and fly.  To soar amongst this life and seek and find all that God has planned for her.  For me to attempt to keep her is going against what my calling is as her mother. 

Next year she will be in college and while she won't be far away she has spent her winter break telling everyone that this is our last Christmas together as next year she will be gone at college.  I think it is her way of preparing herself for what is coming.  Although I did have to burst her bubble and tell her the dorms close for break and she will be home for about a month for winter break in college. 

I'm not prepared and yet I know that within the next few minutes I will be in there sewing the t-shirts together.  I will look at the representation of her school career with fond memories and a curiosity of the ones she will create in college. 

Life is a journey.  Parenthood is a journey.  We aren't necessarily prepared for any of it but it is comforting that we don't have to go through any of it alone. 

So I have some sewing to do today.  I don't remember how to get thread on that bobbin thing that goes inside the machine, I apparently should have gotten some sort of stabilizer so the t-shirts don't stretch when I sew them, and I am not exactly sure that this is going to go well.  But I'm going for it.  I'm going to start sewing my straight lines just as I am trying to walk a straight and narrow path.  After all...how hard can it be?

Finding the Meaning in Blank Christmas Cards

I have never made Christmas cards online before.  Last year I went to a store and made them in the store.  Before that I had a friend who took our pictures and she designed our cards for us and I ordered them from her.  This year was unique as we never found time to have our pictures taken.  My only option was to use pictures we already had.

I went online picked out a card and placed the pictures in the picture spots.  I previewed the card and placed the order.  I then received a phone call from my husband.  Vaughn: "Did you have some trouble with the online program honey?"  Me: "No I don't think so?  It said it would be ready tomorrow."  Vaughn: "Yeah, they are printing now and they are blank." 

Sixty.  That would be the number of example cards that have no pictures and the wrong name that I had printed by mistake. 

What I hadn't done was hit the save button before sending them.  I didn't think I needed to save them as I didn't feel I would need to order more.  No that is the key, you have to hit save, then preview, and then place the order.  Information that would have been helpful the first time around.

Technology is not my friend.  I think this may be proof.  I have one of the blank cards I stuck in my purse to show my friends how brilliant I am.  Just another clip from the Christmas card files. 

All of this got me to thinking about how hard we try to have everything perfect...especially at Christmas.  Christmas cards have been our "thing" for several years.  We even had themes for our cards.  People would look forward to seeing what the theme of the year would be.  It was a lot of pressure. 

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care.  Presents are counted and wrapped.  We search for the perfect gift to give to everyone on our list.  The menu is planned to the last detail.  We set out cookies and milk for Saint Nick.  What does any of it have to do with Christmas?  In a hundred different ways at any time during the course of a year we can show the people we love that we care simply by giving our time.

The spirit of Christmas has nothing to do stockings or trees or menus or cards.  You can write Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or any other salutation you like but Christmas was then, is now, and will always be a celebration of the birth of Jesus our Savior.  What part of that isn't worth keeping in Christmas?  Our Father gave his Son to us to save us and people want to take Christmas and turn it into something else.  Without Jesus there is no reason to celebrate December 25th.  Without Jesus there isn't a a gift.  Jesus IS the gift.  What are you searching for in a store that you have not already been given?

As I think about that blank card, the card without pictures, I realize that I have already been given the best gifts of all.  Jesus gave me a family and a life.  Without those pictures my life is like the blank card...incomplete and empty.  Without Jesus I have no life. 

This Christmas as you set out your milk and cookies and unwrap your gifts, remember the best gift of all.  The gift of Jesus.  Luke 2:10-12 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." 

This is good news indeed and worthy to be celebrated and honored.  It is a happy holiday.  It is Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ. 

Perimenopause?

One word for you...Perimenopause.  I didn't know that was a thing.  That's a thing?!?  I learned of this at church on Sunday.  I was talking to a friend and she told me about perimenopause.  The prequel of the actual event if you will.  It's like I've been waiting for The Lord of the Rings but really should be waiting for The Hobbit instead.  I've never watched The Lord of the Rings but I did see The Hobbit.  I had no clue what was going on. 

Apparently I really don't know what is going on.  Perimenopause is a thing and I could be in it and not even realize it.  No hot flashes yet.  Is there such a thing as cold flashes?  Winter is approaching and I am getting colder and colder.  I have to keep a sweater the weight of a Sherpa blanket at work so I don't freeze to death.  I told the teacher I work with currently that if the blood freezes in my veins I will not be able to get my work done.   I need to work.  I have a kid going to college next year.  Needless to say the heat got turned up.

I am pretty sure that having a kid going to college might be enough to throw you into perimenopause if you aren't already there.  I also have a feeling that I am going to be needing to make more frequent trips to the store for hair color although that wasn't one of the symptoms when I looked it up.  Actually when I looked it up, the symptoms sounded very similar to regular menopause.  Leading me to the conclusion that menopause be it peri or other lasts forever, call it different names if you want.  I feel just like my oldest daughter did when she started her period and asked me how long she was going to have to deal with that.  A bit like I'm being punked actually.

Seriously?  It isn't enough that we have PMS and spend days hemorrhaging every month for decades now this?  Men have it so easy and I think we should investigate this further because I think the serpent that convinced Eve to eat that apple was a male.  Adam ate the apple and men still get to stand up to pee.  Which granted as a busy mother I kind of like that I have an opportunity to sit down a few times a day but still...  PMS, Menstruation, Perimenopause, AND Menopause?  Enough is enough.

According to the symptoms I'm going to get hot, have sore breasts, have irregular periods, need Poise pads and I'm going to get cranky.  That sounds like fun, huh?  

As I sit here and contemplate my "impending doom" it occurs to me how my girls must have felt.  I am also reminded of what I told them, "Even though you can't control what is happening to your body, you can control your reaction to it."  I can choose how I react.  Just as I choose how to spend my day every day, I can choose my mood.  It doesn't matter what is happening or not happening I get to choose.  I can choose to be happy in spite of myself.  Something else I have said to my girls, "How about you try to have a good day in spite of yourself.  You might find you like having them and stick to it."

I'm a react first and think about it early person.  I have questions that I don't have clear-cut answers for but that is ok because I'm also reminded that I don't have to go through this alone.  Just as I haven't gone through anything else in life alone.  God was, is, and always will be there and so I guess bring it on perimenopause.  We've got this covered too.  All I need is a big dose of God and some fans, pads, Ibuprofen, and....