Opposites Attract

 Our pastor at church just started a new sermon series about the many names of God.  He has been at our church for about six months now but already I like his style.  He doesn’t use any notes.  This impresses me because I have a tendency to forget what I am going to say mid-sentence.  I will start to say something and get distracted and never finish.  By the time my husband asks me what I was going to say it is gone.  Obviously it wasn’t as important as sharing God’s word but I still have a fear of public speaking.  Or maybe it is more of a fear of being looked at.  All those eyes looking at me, waiting for what I would say, it freaks me out. 

Anyway, I like that our pastor doesn’t use notes but I also like that he breaks things down so I can understand it.  Sometimes the message hits me like a wrecking ball.  I stop and I’m like, “Wow, how amazing is that?”  I have never been good at math or science.  They aren’t my subjects.  My husband is very good at math and science and history.  I prefer English and literature and creative type subjects.  We are opposites and yet we complement each other.  I bring this up because Sunday the pastor used some Chemistry to get his point across. 

Protons, neutron, electrons, atoms, positive charges, negative charges all things that I vaguely remember from school and you can be sure I haven’t thought about since.  I did remember that positive and negative charges like each other and I do know enough to know that everything is made of atoms.  I will tell you that I snuck glances at my scientific husband every now and then to see how it was going.  Normally I would have to ask for the breakdown from him afterward but I followed well…I think.  Protons and neutrons are at the center of a nucleus.  Protons are positively charged and neutrons have no charge so what keeps them there?  It is a mystery until you realize just what it is that holds everything together.  Jesus.

Have you ever had things just fall apart?  Have you ever just been broken?  Have you ever had a hard time just holding it all together?  I have.  Jesus holds the entire earth and everything in it together.   He holds them in the palm of his hand.  The same hands that took the nails when He died on the cross to save you are the ones that hold everything together.  He can hold you together too. 

It was a powerful message as I said before.  I like the messages that shake you up the best.  Thing I hadn’t really considered really came together and when they did I was awed.  I was awed by the wonder of a powerful God.  How amazing is it that we have a God that we can come to and just fall apart?  A God that we can take our burdens to and lay them at His feet and know that He will handle it is a powerful thing.   

What are you searching for?  What are you missing?  Can I suggest that it may be the same thing that I searched for in all the wrong places?  You can search your entire life on earth for someone or something to make you complete but you will always come up lacking.  We are designed and made to make connection with God.  He is the only one who can complete you and make you whole.  What a relief it is when you finally do. 

Protons, Neutrons, Electrons, You, Me, The Earth, The Moon, and everything in between God made them all and holds them all together.  Let Him hold you together too.

She's Driving, I'm Trying to Breathe

This is it.  I am officially going to be on high alert from here to eternity.  As I sit here looking for anything I can think of to distract myself, I try to remember the first time I drove in a car alone.  At this point I cannot remember driving with my mother as a teenager.  I just remember taking off and having freedom.

It is an entirely different experience from this side.  My daughter has been driving me around all week but this is the first time she has taken her keys and just left by herself in the car.  I'm not sure where you are reading this from but it has been raining here today.  The roads are wet.  Images of every after school special I've ever seen run through my head.  Do they have after school specials anymore?  I tend to think not.  It explains a lot actually.  When I was a kid there were after school specials and you learned a lot.  This generation could use an after school special or two if you ask me.  But I digress... again....

How do I not worry?  How do I let go?  To add to my stress level her sister was driving her father and I earlier.  I couldn't look.  Did she do bad?  Not too terrible except for when it came time to park.  She will improve and be fine.  They will both be fine.

Where is that child?  Is she OK?  Is she safe?  Are there crazy people on the road?  I know when I drive I'm the only one on the road that knows how to drive.  What if those same people are on the road right now?  How do I trust that those crazy people won't hurt my baby?

My mind jumps around all over the place until...I stop.  I realize this will not be the first time that one of my children will be taking off in a car alone for the first time.  There will be two more after this one.  I have to let them go.  I have to let them grow and become independent.  That is what I want.  I want them to be able to take care of themselves.  I want them to know that I'm here for them to fall back on but I want them to strike out and become all that they were meant to be.  I don't want a twenty seven year old living in my basement that I don't have so they move back into their old rooms.  I definitely don't want that. 

I wish we could rewind so I could do things different.  Or maybe I wish we could just rewind the kids so they were little now that I'm older and know more.  Maybe I wouldn't have sheltered them as much.  Maybe I would have let them ride their bikes all over town instead of making them stay in the neighborhood.  (Probably not.)  I might have let them play with play dough on the carpet or keep coloring on the walls so they could have kept building up their art ability.  They may have become Picasso or Michelangelo.  (Probably not.  Do you know how hard it is to get play dough out of carpet?  Also those things they make to get crayon off of walls leave oil marks on your walls.)

As I have sat here contemplating every possible outcome, and everything I could have done differently, she has arrived home.  She is safe.  I can breathe again...until next time.

Dear Mom, An Update

Dear Mom,

It has been nine years since you went home to be with Jesus.  It is hard to believe that next year will be ten years.  It seems surreal to me that you are gone and yet life continued.  So much has happened.  I am sure that you probably know everything because you get filled in while in heaven or are allowed to find out for yourself.  But here is the low down, just in case you have been too busy to find out for yourself.

Daphne is now a licensed driver.  She will be a senior this year and I am fearful of what she will eat when she graduates college because currently she only knows how to fix frozen pizza.  I don't worry about while she is in college because we have visited several colleges and they still offer food there.  The issue is when she graduates from college.  What will she survive on if the only thing I've taught her to cook is frozen pizza?  Epic fail on my part.

Megan has her permit and I'm too big of a chicken to let her drive me around.  I guess I feel about driving the way you felt about sex ed. it's best left up to the professionals.  We have had several talks with them about sex, drugs, and rock and roll?  I just have a fear of having them drive me and the rest of the family around.  Also I may have failed at teaching them to cook and to reapply sunscreen.  It is entirely possible that I sheltered them so much they may live with me forever and I will have built in house sitters forever when Vaughn and I want to travel.  But I digress....

Scotty is growing up.  He went to camp for the first time this year.  We missed him so much.  He brings balance to our home.  He has a lot of his dad in him.  They both have a calming quality to them.  Our peacemaker had the time of  his life in the great outdoors and cannot wait to go back next year.  I'm pretty sure that he has decided he loves camp more than he loves baseball.  He doesn't want to miss it again now that he has experienced it.  (Much the way I feel about the Women of Faith conference.  Now that I've experienced it, I never want to miss it again.)  He is so smart and so kind.  You would have really enjoyed getting to know the boy we were both nervous about.

I have made mistakes but I have gotten a few things right too.  They are all great swimmers and so brave.  They amaze me with the things they have been able to do.  They are so unique.  Each one of them so different.  I had no idea that they would all turn out so differently.  I thought being raised in the same family under the same roof would make them similar.  They are also so funny and they have such big dreams.  I can't wait to see how they all turn out.  Truth be known I'm hoping that I haven't messed them up too much and that they will succeed in spite of me.

I'm working on book number two and hoping to have it out by Christmas.  I would like to try my hand at fiction but I can't seem to find the time when the kids keep giving me so much new material.  (Also read here that every time I sit down to write the kids take it in turn asking me questions and distracting me.  It's like when I get on the phone.  If I don't do anything they ignore me.  Once I attempt to accomplish something, suddenly I'm the most interesting thing in their world.  Did I do that to you?) I am also hoping to be working with kindergarteners again this year.  I love that age.  They are so eager to learn and they say the funniest things.  Their eyes shine when they learn something new.  I have also loved getting to know all of the people I work with.  I have made some new friends and for that I am thankful.

Vaughn is still working hard to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.  He really is the most amazing husband and father.  I am very blessed.  We are dreaming of the future and enjoying the moment.  He makes me a better me.  He takes me out of my comfort zone on occasion.  He has me try things I am afraid of yet protects me at the same time.  I may not experience life  and all it has to offer if it weren't for him.  He helps me live even when life seems overwhelming and I just want to hide.  I hope we get to grow old and grey together and feed each other oatmeal.

OH!  Guess what?  Misty is getting married!  It is so exciting.  I am so happy for her I could burst.  I hope to be able to attend the wedding.  I love that she is getting her happily ever after.  I hope you will all be watching on the big day.  It sounds like it is going to be quite the event.

I think that wraps it all up for a little while.  Except that my birthday will be celebrated on January 15th from now on.  Now we can see who has the blizzard on her birthday me or you.  I'm sure I won't actually get away with it and will be forced to keep celebrating my actual birthday but it would be nice to be able to switch to a much less stressful and emotional time of year.

As always I miss you and long for the day that Jesus comes to take us home so we can all be together again.  I long to be at home in my Father's house.  I hope to be fulfilling His work for me so that one day He will tell me "well done good and faithful servant."  I hope this letter finds you and you know that although you are gone you are still loved and not forgotten.  You continue to live in my heart and if you could send me a message once in awhile, especially when I'm attempting to cook,  my family would thank you.

Love Always,

Heather