Hello! It has been so long since we've talked. So...how have you been? It seems amazing to me that I haven't written since May and yet somehow it seems natural. Not that I wouldn't be writing, but that I have been so busy with family and summer and all that goes with it that I haven't had a minute to even think about it. Forgive me. If you follow me on Facebook, I'm sorry. I'm really bad at social media as it turns out. There are so many authors and public figures that have that whole thing down and I envy them. I am not one of them. Here is what you've missed.
About two weeks ago my husband and I started going to a bible study/exercise thing at church called Run for God. Now I should preface this by saying that I don't run. Not only do I not run I have never ran. I was never an athlete of any sort. I wasn't even a mathlete. I have never been anything that ends with thlete. So you would be correct in assuming that this was not my idea. Love makes you do crazy things.
My husband needed motivation and accountability. Both are things that we all probably need a bit of. When this opportunity at church came up he decided this was just what "we" needed. My husband played sports in school. He was an athlete and he is also very good at math although I don't think he was a mathlete. He also stands for hours at a time for his job so his legs are in far better shape than mine are. I rather enjoy my couch.
The plan is this. We have about 45 minutes of bible study time and then we get outside and walk/run. This week was a five minute warm up followed by 60 second run then 90 second walk over and over and over again ending with a five minute cool down. All this lasts for a total of 30 minutes.
On Monday, we had class then hit the streets for our walk run. I am very good at walking. Why I venture to say I could walk for a good while. We had had some rain earlier and there was some moisture and small puddles in the road. By the second or third round of run I was contemplating licking the water from the road. I was also pretty sure that I didn't have muscles where I was hurting and this was a problem. My head hurt, my legs hurt, my groin hurt, and I was concerned with the whole breathing problem I was having. Breathing was becoming a problem.
My husband said I didn't need to breathe in I needed to breathe out. I was using my reserve air. I had plenty of air. I think he was high on adrenaline. I was pretty sure I didn't have any reserve air. I couldn't get enough air and I was glistening so much it was looking like true sweat. I don't sweat. I didn't even think I had sweat glands. I kept wondering if I passed out which hospital they would take me to and if they would give me an ice cream sundae and tell me everything would be ok. Then I remembered I can't eat dairy anymore and wondered if they would give me a gluten free cupcake and tell me everything would be ok. I was definitely not feeling ok.
On Tuesday we walked, on Wednesday we did another walk/run in our neighborhood. On Wednesday I informed him I loved him and that I didn't necessarily think he was my best friend anymore. He smiled and told me to think about how hot I was going to look on the beach next time we go to Florida. My run looks like a bouncy shuffle and it's so slow a turtle could lap me. But I did it because love makes you do crazy things.
I have no goal. I am supposed to have a goal in mind. I suppose it helps those who truly want to become runners. My dream is not to run and complete a 5k. I suppose if I were to pick a goal for this experience it would be to help my beloved to reach HIS goal. He wants to be able to run a 5k. He wants to be stronger and healthier and I want those things too, I just wouldn't choose running as my means of getting there. But I DO want to help him with his goals and his dreams because I love him. He is the supporter of all of our dreams and he is also my best friend. Whether I get frustrated that I can't keep up with him or not, he is "the cheese to my macaroni." (10 points if you get the reference.)
So I guess I'm running my race while helping him run his race. When you love someone you sometimes do crazy things. The more I think about it, maybe this is good for me too. I get time with him, I get time with God, and I get time to figure out me. I guess even when we aren't runners, we still have our own race to run.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Mother's Day and Separation Anxiety
Sunday was Mother's Day and while I spent my day enjoying my family, it did not escape me that this was my l0th Mother's Day without my mom. I miss my mom every day and while holidays are hard, I no longer spend them longing for what I don't have. I choose to spend them relishing in what I still have.
I am blessed to be the mother of three children who drive me crazy, make me question my sanity, make me wonder if I am the only one who messes up, fill my heart with joy, make me believe in miracles, give hugs like no other, inspire me, challenge me, overwhelm me in every way, and remind me that there are people in this life worth sacrificing everything for. We spent our day visiting with family, laughing, eating, playing, resting, and enjoying being in each others presence. I missed my mom but I was reminded that I too am a mom. Plus she got to spend her Mother's Day in paradise with Jesus and I'm willing to bet her day was far more spectacular than anything I would have planned out for her.
Today I did the countdown to the end of the school year. At this point in the year the adults at school are right there with the kids hanging on by a thread. I am ready for summer and yet... this year is different. It's the end. The end of high school for one and the beginning of something else. Thoughts of graduation and the subsequent open house and planning for her going off to college swirl around my head making me dizzy.
It is exciting yet terrifying to think of your children not living with you and striking out on their own and yet I'm reminded that she is God's child and He has a plan for her. One that I am not privy to but must trust will be carried out and will bring only good for her.
I know this to be true and yet when I walk by her room and think about her not being in there every night, I feel lost and incomplete somehow. As though a part of my very being is no longer going to live here. My heart aches and my stomach hurts and I feel as though if I sleep long enough I won't have to let her go. Sleep eludes me. I get engrossed in books so I won't have to think about it. I have an adult case of separation anxiety, I think.
The flip side of that is that I can't wait for her to go. I get so excited to see what happens to her in college. Will she meet her best friend for life like I did? Will she meet a boy? Will she fall in love? Will she get good grades? Will she discover what God's plan for her life is and what her calling is? I am overwhelmed by all of her prospects and get so excited to see what God has in store for her that I can't wait to watch it all unfold before us.
But first is the party. When I graduated my mother had a cake some nuts and some mints. My family and a few friends came by to give me some gifts and wish me. We had some cake and that was it. It is so much more than that now. We have to have food and cake and tents and caterers and entertainment. Some even renting out halls for the occasion. Nothing but nothing about a graduation or even a kid's birthday party is simple anymore. Just a bunch of parents trying to outdo every other parent and show they love their kid more because they gave them more. And for what? In the end does it matter?
We will have food but I am preparing it with friends because really, who would want to eat it if I made it on my own? We have corn hole, a pool that is unheated, a cheep net to play volleyball or badminton that may or may not stay up, and an iPod for entertainment. The cake I'm ordering from the grocery store. I can't keep up with the Jones' nor do I want to try. Perfection eludes me and perfection is boring anyway.
Her party will be great because the people who love her will be there to congratulate her and cheer her on to bigger things. Her party will be great because she will be there. Even my mom will be there. In spirit of course, but I doubt she would want to miss it.
So I'm just over here having mini-melt downs and trusting Jesus to get us through all of the excitement and even the calm time when the excitement is over and reality sets in. In between melt downs though I have work to do. I have a lot of envelopes that need addressed or no one is going to show up to the party!
I am blessed to be the mother of three children who drive me crazy, make me question my sanity, make me wonder if I am the only one who messes up, fill my heart with joy, make me believe in miracles, give hugs like no other, inspire me, challenge me, overwhelm me in every way, and remind me that there are people in this life worth sacrificing everything for. We spent our day visiting with family, laughing, eating, playing, resting, and enjoying being in each others presence. I missed my mom but I was reminded that I too am a mom. Plus she got to spend her Mother's Day in paradise with Jesus and I'm willing to bet her day was far more spectacular than anything I would have planned out for her.
Today I did the countdown to the end of the school year. At this point in the year the adults at school are right there with the kids hanging on by a thread. I am ready for summer and yet... this year is different. It's the end. The end of high school for one and the beginning of something else. Thoughts of graduation and the subsequent open house and planning for her going off to college swirl around my head making me dizzy.
It is exciting yet terrifying to think of your children not living with you and striking out on their own and yet I'm reminded that she is God's child and He has a plan for her. One that I am not privy to but must trust will be carried out and will bring only good for her.
I know this to be true and yet when I walk by her room and think about her not being in there every night, I feel lost and incomplete somehow. As though a part of my very being is no longer going to live here. My heart aches and my stomach hurts and I feel as though if I sleep long enough I won't have to let her go. Sleep eludes me. I get engrossed in books so I won't have to think about it. I have an adult case of separation anxiety, I think.
The flip side of that is that I can't wait for her to go. I get so excited to see what happens to her in college. Will she meet her best friend for life like I did? Will she meet a boy? Will she fall in love? Will she get good grades? Will she discover what God's plan for her life is and what her calling is? I am overwhelmed by all of her prospects and get so excited to see what God has in store for her that I can't wait to watch it all unfold before us.
But first is the party. When I graduated my mother had a cake some nuts and some mints. My family and a few friends came by to give me some gifts and wish me. We had some cake and that was it. It is so much more than that now. We have to have food and cake and tents and caterers and entertainment. Some even renting out halls for the occasion. Nothing but nothing about a graduation or even a kid's birthday party is simple anymore. Just a bunch of parents trying to outdo every other parent and show they love their kid more because they gave them more. And for what? In the end does it matter?
We will have food but I am preparing it with friends because really, who would want to eat it if I made it on my own? We have corn hole, a pool that is unheated, a cheep net to play volleyball or badminton that may or may not stay up, and an iPod for entertainment. The cake I'm ordering from the grocery store. I can't keep up with the Jones' nor do I want to try. Perfection eludes me and perfection is boring anyway.
Her party will be great because the people who love her will be there to congratulate her and cheer her on to bigger things. Her party will be great because she will be there. Even my mom will be there. In spirit of course, but I doubt she would want to miss it.
So I'm just over here having mini-melt downs and trusting Jesus to get us through all of the excitement and even the calm time when the excitement is over and reality sets in. In between melt downs though I have work to do. I have a lot of envelopes that need addressed or no one is going to show up to the party!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Forty Two
Not long ago they started showing the movie 42 on HBO. I didn't get to
the movie theater to see the movie but had wanted to check it out, so when we
came across it on HBO my husband and I started watching it. As it turns
out we really enjoy this movie. So much so that if it is on we watch
it. In fact, it is on even as I type this.
One evening when my husband and I were watching this movie it occurred to me that he was 42. So I looked at him and I said, "Hey you're forty two, what is that like?" He looked at me as you might think, like I was crazy and said, "Yeah its fine" and continued to watch the movie. That is when it hit me...if he is 42 that means that I'm 41! Wait a minute… when did that happen?
This year I will turn forty two. But will I really? I started thinking about age. Have you noticed that once you hit a certain age the actual number doesn't come into play unless it is divisible by ten? You are an age range. Technically I'm in my early 40's now, not almost 42. Eventually everything is a range, early, mid, late, early to mid, mid to late. But we hold on to that mid to late with everything until we absolutely HAVE to accept that next big number that ends with a zero, then we have a party that we made it.
Aside from my contemplations of weird age anomalies, I also have other things about the movie 42 that I love. I love that Jackie says, "You want a player who doesn't have the guts to fight back?" and Mr. Rickey responds with, "No. I want a player who has the guts NOT to fight back." Amazing isn't it? The guts to NOT fight back!
I am reminded of the Bible. In Matthew 5:39 it says, "But I say this, don't fight against the one who is working evil against you. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, you are to turn and offer him your left cheek." What strength and conviction of faith it takes to not fight back! Our instincts are to fight back and stand up for ourselves. And yet...Jesus says no and taking it one step farther and saying in verse 44 of that same chapter in Matthew "But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you-" and in 45 "in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us-good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on the evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner."
Yes, I think it takes a great deal more guts to not fight back. Maybe you didn't watch this movie and take away from it all that I did, for me it was a good reminder of what we should do and yet sometimes fail to do. In a world full of movies with little to no moral compass, it was nice to watch a movie based on a man who had courage and faith to see it through. Perhaps it was nice to also be reminded of my age. I have a lot of work to do as this year I will be 42.
One evening when my husband and I were watching this movie it occurred to me that he was 42. So I looked at him and I said, "Hey you're forty two, what is that like?" He looked at me as you might think, like I was crazy and said, "Yeah its fine" and continued to watch the movie. That is when it hit me...if he is 42 that means that I'm 41! Wait a minute… when did that happen?
This year I will turn forty two. But will I really? I started thinking about age. Have you noticed that once you hit a certain age the actual number doesn't come into play unless it is divisible by ten? You are an age range. Technically I'm in my early 40's now, not almost 42. Eventually everything is a range, early, mid, late, early to mid, mid to late. But we hold on to that mid to late with everything until we absolutely HAVE to accept that next big number that ends with a zero, then we have a party that we made it.
Aside from my contemplations of weird age anomalies, I also have other things about the movie 42 that I love. I love that Jackie says, "You want a player who doesn't have the guts to fight back?" and Mr. Rickey responds with, "No. I want a player who has the guts NOT to fight back." Amazing isn't it? The guts to NOT fight back!
I am reminded of the Bible. In Matthew 5:39 it says, "But I say this, don't fight against the one who is working evil against you. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, you are to turn and offer him your left cheek." What strength and conviction of faith it takes to not fight back! Our instincts are to fight back and stand up for ourselves. And yet...Jesus says no and taking it one step farther and saying in verse 44 of that same chapter in Matthew "But I tell you this: love your enemies. Pray for those who torment you and persecute you-" and in 45 "in so doing, you become children of your Father in heaven. He, after all, loves each of us-good and evil, kind and cruel. He causes the sun to rise and shine on the evil and good alike. He causes the rain to water the fields of the righteous and the fields of the sinner."
Yes, I think it takes a great deal more guts to not fight back. Maybe you didn't watch this movie and take away from it all that I did, for me it was a good reminder of what we should do and yet sometimes fail to do. In a world full of movies with little to no moral compass, it was nice to watch a movie based on a man who had courage and faith to see it through. Perhaps it was nice to also be reminded of my age. I have a lot of work to do as this year I will be 42.
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