I've been pooed on! I was minding my own business walking through a patch of palm trees while on vacation when all of a sudden poo. On my eye and around my eye. Not in my hair, nowhere near my clothes, or shoes. On. My. EYE! Seriously! Can you say Bird Flu? I went to the restroom and washed my eye. Then I went to the restroom two more times to wash and flush it all until I felt like I wasn't going to hyperventilate. All the rest of the day all I could think of was bird flu. You don't just bounce right back when a bird poos on your eye.
Today I went out to the shed to get the lawn mower out to mow the yard. When I opened the door I noticed a couple of small bee hives attached to the inside of the door. I didn't concern myself too much because I didn't intend on bothering them so I figured they would leave me alone. NO! I no sooner started pulling the riding lawn mower out when one of the bees stings me on the back of the neck. On the back of my neck in case you missed the where. Do you know what is in your neck? All sorts of things that keep you alive. That is what is in your neck. I hadn't been stung by a bee since childhood. The pain from a bee sting gets worse before it gets better. I went inside and grabbed ice and called my mother in law who is a nurse to ask her what else to do. Apparently ice and baking soda is the magic cure. I wrapped a paper towel around iced and used a scarf to keep it there and after my allotted time of 30 minutes to make sure I don't have a reaction I mowed the yard.
I am not pleased with flying animals. Birds no longer intrigue me with their beautiful flight. I want to learn how to shoot them out of the air. That is where I'm at with birds. Today my oldest daughter and I went to run some errands. When we got home my yard was full of birds. I told her to run over them. She didn't. She has never been pooed on. I may get over it...I may not.
As far as bees go. I've decided to eat a lot of honey. I may eat honey every single day for the rest of my life. Those bees now work for me. I keep thinking of the Bee Movie and how shocked the bee was that humans eat all of their honey. Oh and my husband has instructions to take care of those hives and the bees that live in them. I am not going be scared to get in my shed.
These flying creatures apparently have a problem with me. I used to be so enamored with their flight. I used to have dreams of flying. Now I only want to fly in an airplane. I don't get pooed on in airplanes. I don't get stung on the back of the neck near vital parts on airplanes.
These instances have confirmed what I have always known about myself. I'm not outdoorsy. I will never find pleasure in camping. I don't want to go bird watching. I don't want to take up bee keeping. That is for the birds. (pun intended) No. No. No. Those flying creatures cannot be trusted. They serve a purpose I'm sure. I am pretty sure their purpose is not to poo on my eye or sting me on the back of the neck! When I asked my mother about the birds and the bees as a teenager do you know what she told me? Bees sting and birds poo on cars. Well she got it partly right. Apparently they like eyes too.
Tomorrow I am spending the day outside at a flee market. I'm thinking of wearing a scarf and taking an umbrella. Well what you do if they pooed on you?
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
I Want to Live on Vacation
My family and I just got back from a much anticipated vacation. I am not going to lie here. I love palm trees. Palm trees are fantastic. Sand is lovely, and I even like Mickey Mouse and all sorts of things at Universal. I fantasize about selling everything we own and moving to Florida. The idea of it both excites and terrifies me. It is crazy to think of leaving everything we know and going somewhere else. It is especially appealing to me when we come home from vacation.
When we go on vacation, which isn't every year I might add, we try to fit in as much as possible. We have a great time and then we come home. This is the thing with vacation and I think it is because they have experienced vacation. I don't recall ever going on vacation as a child with my mother. I have seen pictures of going to Florida when I was too young to remember. When we take our children on vacation you can see the joy on their faces. They love it. They are so excited that they forget to argue... mostly. Everyone gets along and my husband and I are rock stars. We are fantastic because we have successfully entertained them and for that we are treated as the great parents we always wished we were.
We then come home and the mystery and illusion are gone. I am not sure if the veil of illusion is on when we are on vacation or when we are off of vacation. Either way, when we get home our rock star status is null and void. Once again we are the enemy. Maybe that is why I like palm trees so much. Where the palm trees are lies my rock star status. When we get home we become the Devo of their world and Whip It is getting old. They want us to either come up with another hit or get going. The only problem is that there aren't new hits coming. We are one hit wonders at this time with no prospects of a hit for the foreseeable future. We can't live on vacation. None of the other vacations count as they are in the past and now that this one is over they no longer have one to look forward to. They can't see six years into the future.
I figured out today that I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be on vacation. I want to live on vacation. Who doesn't? We don't cook, someone comes and cleans our room, and there isn't an opportunity to get bored. Vacation doesn't require make-up on and hair done. You don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself because you don't know anyone there. Who cares if you sing along to the music? I'll tell you who. Not me! When we go on vacation I live in baseball hats. If I put make-up on it is to protect my skin from the sun. (Speaking of the sun, I always fail at the reapply. We get the sunscreen on one time, never reapply, and I get fried.) Vacation is where it is at. That's where I want to live. People like me there. My family thinks I'm great. My new friends Mickey Mouse and Harry Potter think I'm fantastic. We have harmony on vacation.
Alas we cannot live on vacation forever. As glorious as it sounds apparently responsibility forbids it. Of the people in this house, as cranky as the girls are when they get home, I hate it even more. I have the hardest time coming home and having to be who I am. On vacation I was fearless. I rode rides this year I had always been too scared to ride and was giddy when I got off of them. I tried new things and it was fantastic. I get home and I dream of going back. I come home and I hate who I have to become. I become the "do something that doesn't require a screen" mom, the "ugh I have to cook again" mom, the "I can't do that I'm the mom, I have responsibilities" mom, the "clean your room, I'm not the maid, don't talk like that, don't roll your eyes at me, I saw that, I heard that, what is wrong with you?" mom. Vacation rocks! If only...
I'm not sure if we actually moved to paradise if I would still have rock star status. It is entirely possible that the magic of the palm trees and Mickey Mouse would wear off and I would become the fearful yet responsible boring mother I am when I am here. That may be what makes it so magical, it only lasts a short time then it is gone.
Until our next adventure...this is the Devo of the house....signing out.
When we go on vacation, which isn't every year I might add, we try to fit in as much as possible. We have a great time and then we come home. This is the thing with vacation and I think it is because they have experienced vacation. I don't recall ever going on vacation as a child with my mother. I have seen pictures of going to Florida when I was too young to remember. When we take our children on vacation you can see the joy on their faces. They love it. They are so excited that they forget to argue... mostly. Everyone gets along and my husband and I are rock stars. We are fantastic because we have successfully entertained them and for that we are treated as the great parents we always wished we were.
We then come home and the mystery and illusion are gone. I am not sure if the veil of illusion is on when we are on vacation or when we are off of vacation. Either way, when we get home our rock star status is null and void. Once again we are the enemy. Maybe that is why I like palm trees so much. Where the palm trees are lies my rock star status. When we get home we become the Devo of their world and Whip It is getting old. They want us to either come up with another hit or get going. The only problem is that there aren't new hits coming. We are one hit wonders at this time with no prospects of a hit for the foreseeable future. We can't live on vacation. None of the other vacations count as they are in the past and now that this one is over they no longer have one to look forward to. They can't see six years into the future.
I figured out today that I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be on vacation. I want to live on vacation. Who doesn't? We don't cook, someone comes and cleans our room, and there isn't an opportunity to get bored. Vacation doesn't require make-up on and hair done. You don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself because you don't know anyone there. Who cares if you sing along to the music? I'll tell you who. Not me! When we go on vacation I live in baseball hats. If I put make-up on it is to protect my skin from the sun. (Speaking of the sun, I always fail at the reapply. We get the sunscreen on one time, never reapply, and I get fried.) Vacation is where it is at. That's where I want to live. People like me there. My family thinks I'm great. My new friends Mickey Mouse and Harry Potter think I'm fantastic. We have harmony on vacation.
Alas we cannot live on vacation forever. As glorious as it sounds apparently responsibility forbids it. Of the people in this house, as cranky as the girls are when they get home, I hate it even more. I have the hardest time coming home and having to be who I am. On vacation I was fearless. I rode rides this year I had always been too scared to ride and was giddy when I got off of them. I tried new things and it was fantastic. I get home and I dream of going back. I come home and I hate who I have to become. I become the "do something that doesn't require a screen" mom, the "ugh I have to cook again" mom, the "I can't do that I'm the mom, I have responsibilities" mom, the "clean your room, I'm not the maid, don't talk like that, don't roll your eyes at me, I saw that, I heard that, what is wrong with you?" mom. Vacation rocks! If only...
I'm not sure if we actually moved to paradise if I would still have rock star status. It is entirely possible that the magic of the palm trees and Mickey Mouse would wear off and I would become the fearful yet responsible boring mother I am when I am here. That may be what makes it so magical, it only lasts a short time then it is gone.
Until our next adventure...this is the Devo of the house....signing out.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Why Wait?
This summer has been the summer of waiting. In October we hired someone to build a new deck by our pool. Our old deck had been built by my husband and I close to ten years ago. It had seen better days especially considering we truly didn't know what we were doing in the first place. My husband and one of our friends spent a rainy Saturday in October taking apart the old deck and hauling it away. We then told our deck guy we were ready and we waited. Apparently the time frame for getting a deck done is nine months. Had I been a younger gal I would have gotten pregnant and we could have raced to see who got to the finish line first. I keep joking that I could have given birth in that time frame.
Our Deck was ready for use for our fourth of July party. The pool heater that we have been waiting to get fixed was not and will not be. It apparently wasn't the "easy" fix that we had all hoped it would be. It now must be replaced. At this point in a rainy Midwestern summer that can wait until next year. We also waited two weeks for our air conditioner to get fixed.
Now we are waiting to go on vacation. This summer has been rainy and trying our patience with all of the waiting for things that we had hoped would make this a great summer. We are more than ever ready to get away for a short time and have a break from waiting. The wait will be over and the fun will arrive.
In thinking about this summer of waiting it has gotten me thinking about waiting in other areas of life as well. We wait to meet the right partner to share our lives with. We wait nine months for a baby (or a deck apparently). We wait for school to end and our lives to begin. We wait for vacations. We wait for seating at restaurants. We wait in line to ride rides. We wait for movies. We wait for books. We wait.
That is a lot of time waiting for things that some matter and some don't. I have spent much of my summer frustrated and waiting for things to be accomplished and I could have spent that time in a much better way. For that I am sorry. We think when the deck is done we can invite people over. When the house is clean and close to perfect we can invite people over. When this show is over we'll do something.
I don't know about you but I'm so sick of waiting. Waiting is for the birds. Spending all of your time waiting is a waste of time. What could you do if you weren't waiting? Personally the only thing I want to wait for is for Jesus. Jesus coming is the only thing I can think of that is worth waiting for. I don't want to spend so much time waiting that I don't spend it living. You can spend time worrying and waiting for things to change in the world around you or you can be the change you want to see. It is a choice. You know what happens when you wait? Life happens. Life happens and you miss out. You miss out on things you could have done and places you could have seen and people you could have spent time with. You know what else? It's boring.
I have wanted to put some funky color in my hair for years. I never did because I have daughters who would throw a fit every time I talked about it. I have wanted some cool plastic framed glasses but everyone else likes the wire frames better on me. I wanted to try archery just because I wanted to see if I could be like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games or Mia from The Princess Diaries 2. I talk myself out of doing things because I think I'm too old and I should sit back and not live because it is my children's turn and not mine. My time has come and gone. You know what that is? A big bunch of fear and crap.
Today I had just a few bright red highlights put in my hair. The eye place ordered the wrong glasses by mistake so I got the plastic frames I had wanted but let myself get talked out of. This summer my daughter and I went to a garage sale at my friend's house and her husband taught us how to shoot a bow and arrow. What am I teaching my children if I don't do things because they (and I) think I'm old? That when you get old you don't get to dream or live? What kind of message is that? A bad one. If I want my children to spend their lives dreaming and chasing their dreams and trying new things I have to be willing to do that myself. If not the only thing I am teaching them is to give up.
If I truly believe in God and his teachings then I have to believe that even if I can't do something then I can do it with his help. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." That is more than just a saying to put on a t-shirt. It's factual. I believe that it applies to everyone who believes in Him. That's me. That's you. How awesome and reassuring is that when it comes to pursuing the dreams that God has placed in your heart to begin with?
So what are we waiting for. Waiting is not how we should be spending our lives. We need to be living them. Plus apparently I'm middle aged now. I need to get busy before my time really does run out. So get going already! In the words of Ferris Beuller "Why are you still here? It's over. Go!"
Until next time...
Our Deck was ready for use for our fourth of July party. The pool heater that we have been waiting to get fixed was not and will not be. It apparently wasn't the "easy" fix that we had all hoped it would be. It now must be replaced. At this point in a rainy Midwestern summer that can wait until next year. We also waited two weeks for our air conditioner to get fixed.
Now we are waiting to go on vacation. This summer has been rainy and trying our patience with all of the waiting for things that we had hoped would make this a great summer. We are more than ever ready to get away for a short time and have a break from waiting. The wait will be over and the fun will arrive.
In thinking about this summer of waiting it has gotten me thinking about waiting in other areas of life as well. We wait to meet the right partner to share our lives with. We wait nine months for a baby (or a deck apparently). We wait for school to end and our lives to begin. We wait for vacations. We wait for seating at restaurants. We wait in line to ride rides. We wait for movies. We wait for books. We wait.
That is a lot of time waiting for things that some matter and some don't. I have spent much of my summer frustrated and waiting for things to be accomplished and I could have spent that time in a much better way. For that I am sorry. We think when the deck is done we can invite people over. When the house is clean and close to perfect we can invite people over. When this show is over we'll do something.
I don't know about you but I'm so sick of waiting. Waiting is for the birds. Spending all of your time waiting is a waste of time. What could you do if you weren't waiting? Personally the only thing I want to wait for is for Jesus. Jesus coming is the only thing I can think of that is worth waiting for. I don't want to spend so much time waiting that I don't spend it living. You can spend time worrying and waiting for things to change in the world around you or you can be the change you want to see. It is a choice. You know what happens when you wait? Life happens. Life happens and you miss out. You miss out on things you could have done and places you could have seen and people you could have spent time with. You know what else? It's boring.
I have wanted to put some funky color in my hair for years. I never did because I have daughters who would throw a fit every time I talked about it. I have wanted some cool plastic framed glasses but everyone else likes the wire frames better on me. I wanted to try archery just because I wanted to see if I could be like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games or Mia from The Princess Diaries 2. I talk myself out of doing things because I think I'm too old and I should sit back and not live because it is my children's turn and not mine. My time has come and gone. You know what that is? A big bunch of fear and crap.
Today I had just a few bright red highlights put in my hair. The eye place ordered the wrong glasses by mistake so I got the plastic frames I had wanted but let myself get talked out of. This summer my daughter and I went to a garage sale at my friend's house and her husband taught us how to shoot a bow and arrow. What am I teaching my children if I don't do things because they (and I) think I'm old? That when you get old you don't get to dream or live? What kind of message is that? A bad one. If I want my children to spend their lives dreaming and chasing their dreams and trying new things I have to be willing to do that myself. If not the only thing I am teaching them is to give up.
If I truly believe in God and his teachings then I have to believe that even if I can't do something then I can do it with his help. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." That is more than just a saying to put on a t-shirt. It's factual. I believe that it applies to everyone who believes in Him. That's me. That's you. How awesome and reassuring is that when it comes to pursuing the dreams that God has placed in your heart to begin with?
So what are we waiting for. Waiting is not how we should be spending our lives. We need to be living them. Plus apparently I'm middle aged now. I need to get busy before my time really does run out. So get going already! In the words of Ferris Beuller "Why are you still here? It's over. Go!"
Until next time...
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